Pride

Its known as a Sin in Christianity and known as a character that I have taken quite a fondness for in Fullmetal Alchemist.  But the idea of Pride as well as the character of the same name both have major implications for my life in ways that are not so unrelated at all.

As far as the idea of Pride, if here is a vice I am personally guilty of, this is it.  I feel myself at times to be above my peers and when I am told how pathetic I am by the nastier of those I encounter, I tend to write it off as them having issues with themselves that they then project on to me.

Despite the fact that this is true near all the time (this is proof of my pride after all) it means that to all I encounter, I come off as a pompus jerk most if not all the time.  And while it is certainly justifiable for me to come off as such to many of the lowlifes I encounter, that does not excuse me of treating my friends the same.

Alas, even worse, when I do act as such, I do not have the capital, nor power, or even influence to back up my behavior.  In lacking these traits, I come off as weak as well to these same individuals.  Now remembering back to my earlier statement, one can understand why at times, I have an undeniable hunger for power.  It all comes back to my pride.

As for the character by the same name, every so often when I partake in media that is not my own writing, I stumble across ideas that essentially take an idea I worked on and figuratively speaking, take a shit on it.

For example, one of the prime antagonists of my first novel in The Search For Eden Series, known by most of you as The End of Utopia, has the ability to use shadows as a weapon.  And while the idea I had was relatively cool in concept, I was blown away by how the concept became more than just a cool gimmick and entered full fledged nightmare fuel territory in Fullmetal Alchemist (If the image above alone doesn't make you feel uncomfortable, then you are braver than most)

What is funny most of all when you look at these two ideas and then put them together, you realize that one of the goals I have for my writing is to in a way, create the most fear filled and powerful fiction possible.  Thus, I have to search for great ideas that have already been used and expand upon them.  In a way, I am using the idea behind the eldritch abomination Pride to create an every scarier menace due to my own personal pride.

This is a flaw (or is it) that I intend to explore more of.  expect more blog posts on this subject as I find more answers.

Fan Art Contest

This blog post is much more informative than anything else.  There are many forms of media that can be considered art.  They are not limited by pictures, or books, acting, or any other multitude of medium that seeks to educate and entertain.

The type of fiction that I write entails a level of art that I would like to see far more of.  I write novels to fascinate the imagination and would love to see how others see my vision.  Not only does this help me with my writing, but it allows even more people to benefit from my work as I help them share their own.

I am looking for artists of all skill levels that would like a chance to share their work.  The rules are quite simple:

Go to http://www.amazon.com/The-End-Utopia-Part-Search-ebook/dp/B00PQ2G2AY and read the prologue of my Novel which can be done free of charge.  Once read, I am looking for art work relevant to the chapter itself.  Whether this is a character or a setting or something else is up to the artist.

While I will have prizes in store for the artists that I feel created the most fascinating artwork, I also pledge to add every single piece submitted to the art gallery on my website.  In this way, each artist gets credited for their work.  It gains exposure and everyone wins.

On my website: Timeloststoryteller.com one can find these rules as well as contact information with questions and concerns.

If while reading this, you wish to enter the contest or know someone who would benefit from it, they can send their submissions to my email: rmellison89@gmail.com

This is a fun little experiment I am trying to fill my website with art and truly bring my world to life.  It would please me greatly if any who read this either create something in this contest if they are able to do so, or if they know one who is capable of such.

Thank you.

John McCain and the Radicalization of the American Politics

A look at the United States Political System does not bode well for optimism.  We have one of the most ineffective deadlocked Congresses in the history of the country.  Doing the opposite of whatever the President wants has become a legitimate political platform.  The economy does not actually appear to be in recovery at all.  The real reason the unemployment rate has dropped is because countless people have given up looking for jobs.  The housing Market is not looking promising either with an entire generation set back at least 5 years or more due to crushing debt that they had no choice but to take on.

One can argue the seeds were planted long ago by this crisis.  Ronald Reagan's economic policies certainly have not helped things, but that's to be expected when your entire administration is such criminals that they are still being tried for crimes to this day.  

It could be argued that these problems exist due to factors even farther back.  When one looks at the actions of Henry Clay and John Calhoun, it appears that this country was created to fail from the get go.

But that is not what was the blow that has lead to the current problem.  After a long and quite enlightening conversation with my father, I have seen another angle to this problem.  One that I may have had a very indirect hand in since I actually was able to vote in 2008.

I speak of John McCain and a series of what in hindsight appears to be very poor decisions in rapid succession.

Ever since 9/11 I have been quite cynical of politics.  So when candidate Barack Obama started stirring the liberal base into a frenzy, I did not actually believe him.  Instead, I did notice a moderate named John McCain who spoke about real solutions that could be made in a world that was very very resistant to change.

Unfortunately, the GOP did not want his more moderate platform and with stiff opposition to what he believed along with the more racist wing of the party in complete and utter opposition to Obama, forced him to make a tough choice that I believe created the downward spiral and decent into madness that our country has fallen into.

Instead of sticking to his guns, McCain gave in.  He embraced the more radicalized beliefs of the Republican Party in hopes that it would give him the Presidency.  To try and defeat Barack Obama who was certainly helped by the chance at being the first Black President, McCain made another choice which in hindsight was highly destructive. He chose Sarah Palin as his Vice President.

At that point, my choice became quite easy.  After a year in college, I had already become familiar with the extremist form of Feminism that I like to call Neo Feminism.  Most people see them as the men hating variation of Feminism.  And since these individuals are not known for sanity, just like Sarah Palin herself is far from a paragon of this idea, I had a legitimate fear at the time that should MCain become president, his life would have been a ticking time bomb until assassins did him in, allowing this lunatic of a woman the chance to be our president.

For the sake of this country, I could not allow that to happen.  Instead of voting for a candidate that had beliefs I could stand behind, I merely voted for Barack Obama because no matter what he did, at least he would prevent Sarah Palin from being in the oval office.

This idea of the lesser of two evils has become the message of the day.  Both parties have become increasingly more extreme leaving moderates which make up a majority of Americans with no one who represents what they believe.  As they feel left out, they no longer vote, leaving only the extremists with any power.

And while I understand that our political system is just a game to distract us while the people at the top continue to make use of Ronald Reagan's Trickle Up policy, the fact that the puppet masters of the world know they can use increasingly more insane candidates does not bode well for this country.

In a world of extremism, only radicalization wins, ensuring that we will not have peace in our time.

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day and although a lot of people confuse the event with Veterans Day, this day does not serve to celebrate those soldiers who returned to civilian duty (although you should still tell these brave men and women how important they are) but rather focuses on those who never returned home.  Also it needs to focus on those who returned home in body but not in spirit.

There is more than one way to be a casualty of war.  The most known way is to be killed in the line of duty.  But what about those ones who return home and have deep seated issues that are not addressed?

Suicide is becoming a serious problem for those troops that return home.  In today's world, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in some ways is even more prevalent in the military than ever before.  While advances have been made in Psychology in peace time technologies, they have also made their way to being used as weapons for war.

As a civilian I cannot claim to know I understand what it is like to be in a hot spot, but I am sure that any can agree with me that read this post, that if a child on drugs is running at me with a bomb strapped to the chest, I may have second thoughts of shooting that enemy and enemy it is.

Unlike what the media shows, what really tends to occur is that warlord leaders take captured children, put them on drugs that alter their brain and sometimes cause them pain as well.  Then they strap a bomb to the already confused and now crying child.  Next, they instruct this child that if they run that way (ie towards American Troops) the pain will stop.

These soldiers are then forced to make a choice that sounds easy on paper but is quite difficult in the moment to decide.  Them or us?

Those types of choices do not go away lightly or sometimes ever.  These types of choices can weigh on a person's soul the rest of their life.

So I call upon any who read this to remember what Memorial Day is all about.  It is a time to remember those who have lost their lives to make the ultimate sacrifice so that people like me can write freely and people can go about their days as they choose.  We must never forget that those choices sometimes occur off the battlefield as well.

  I also call upon all who read this to help make our veteran's lives better so that we can honor the heroes who died defending our country from our enemies and not the ones who died after they returned to the United States and were discarded and abandoned.

Political Correctness

It has come to my attention that I sometimes make statements that are insulting, infuriating, uncalled for, and all around inappropriate.  I would like to remind all in the world that this annoying concept of political correctness is bothersome.

I could apologize in advance for all the things I do on a daily basis that are at some point able to anger people.  These offenses include, but are not limited to:
being Jewish, having Autism, Being a Liberal, Voting for Obama, Having Common Sense, hating wealthy bankers, Being Male, Being Single, and most importantly, the greatest offense I tend to commit is being alive.

My feelings on this subject do matter, but what needs to be said here, is that the amount I care about how my beliefs impact your life are as limited as the words in this blog post.

Good Day!

Hollow Bastion

There are levels in video games that make you cry in frustration, there are others that are boring and that are easily forgotten.  Then there are places that are so majestic and filled with such excellent story telling, that they create unforgettable memories and in even more extreme cases, create the means for even greater inspiration.

Hollow Bastion in the original Kingdom Hearts is one of these incredible experiences.  Once one is greeted by the Majestic Rising Falls and floating bubble puzzles, the player is greeted by friend turned rival Riku.  After some powerful dialogue and some game changing plot twists, many players (such as myself) rejoiced.  Finally the moment where Sora realized just how useless he was at hand.  sadly, he remained the main character. (I was disappointed when Riku failed to kill him a few cut scenes later)

After exploring the outer castle, the player enters the entrance hall, fights Riku and another plot twist happens.  This leads to more scenes, lots of fighting with many of the most powerful (and annoying, I'm looking at you Wizards) enemies in the game, and eventually more views of majestic landscapes pitched under a beautiful twilight sunset.

After a tough fight with my favorite Disney character of all time followed by said character scaling up and attacking again, the player finally meets the actual villain and the plot becomes much darker.  Incredible music, both battle and overworld, ensure that Hollow Bastion is an unforgettable experience.

The legacy of which can be seen in the final chapters of The End of Utopia.  As I write the ending to the book (at long last) readers will see just how much of an influence this dungeon had on my writing.  

If you have not already, I would recommend playing the original Kingdom Hearts.  The ending of my first novel will be even more incredible when you understand where its inspiration lies. 

Despair: Self Doubt

The last couple of days have been an emotional roller coaster.  I promised I would write these blog posts in the now and right now. I will admit I am beside myself.  While yesterday, I was on cloud nine, tonight is the opposite.  Part of it is to blame on my emotions being a little edgy for sure.  But I do suffer from  Chronic Despair which will not the same as Chronic Depression, can have many of the same effects,

Right now, I am having self doubt.  Self doubt that I am deluding myself.  Self doubt that I will not to be the first to graduate college in my generation, or get married, or have children.  Self Doubt as  I am the oldest or same age as my siblings and step siblings, cousins and step cousins.

Self Doubt that I am a leach to my family.  Self Doubt that my skills are meaningless in this world.  Self Doubt that my ego is far too high for my above average at best writing skills.

Self Doubt for my political beliefs which have made me branded a traitor by many Jews.  Self Doubt about my income level which has had people remark to me that I need to grow up and leave thinking to the people who have earned it.

Self Doubt that my excitement over freelance jobs may come to an end soon if I cannot continue to create good content.  Self Doubt that each time I get a new job, I make less and less money.  Self doubt that I have run out of things to cut back on and am sacrificing my health now to survive.

And worst of all, I am having Self Doubt that writing this blog post is doing nothing more than making me look like a whiny little brat that is craving attention.  Self Doubt that I will be pleased that I even wrote this later.

A Long Awaited Adventure

Today marks Jerusalem Day.  This a commemoration of the reunification of Jerusalem after being split apart by the enemies of the Jewish people for so long. This event occurred at the end of the six day war as the entire City of Jerusalem was once again under Israeli and thus Jewish control.

To me this is a significant and exciting reminder of my soon to be great adventure.  This June, I finally will get to see the holy land, my homeland, with my own eyes and not the eyes of Google, or Facebook, or other forms of media.

This is a moment I have awaited for almost seven years of my life.  So for those of you who have played legend of Zelda, the same amount of years that Link was trapped in the Temple of Time.  Think about that for a moment.  A lot has changed not just in my life, but in the entire world at large.

Still, I am undaunted in my goal of seeing the Holy Land for myself.  I do not fear the hostile neighbors Israel has to contend with.  As a Jew and an Aspie, I have been beset by enemies on all sides my entire life.  In a way, I deal with the same fear that the state of Israel encounters.  I have no fear for my enemies.

My excitement is mounting as in a little less than three weeks, I will set out on an adventure that will change my life.

These updates will be written in blog posts for your enjoyment. But until then, Am Yisrael Chai!

That One Boss

Anyone who has played a video game has encountered this boss.  One that you attempt again and again (and again) and yet still fail to beat them.  Next you go on the internet to see if there is some strategy you are missing out on.

Once you get there, instead of solutions, you find other gamers wondering the same thing you are: How do I beat that one boss?

Some bosses (like most of the ones in Final Fantasy V) have a game breaking attack that makes them into mice meat.  In other cases, a boss may have a fatal weakness that one would never think to try.  These are not the types of bosses I am describing.  I am talking about fights that no matter what you do, they are much harder than anything else up until that point as well as anything after.

Many of these bosses have unfair advantages against you to such an extreme that it is no longer skill to kill the boss, but good old fashioned luck that stands between victory and defeat.  Even on repeat playthroughs, these are the bosses that still have a chance (a good chance) of making you see the game over screen.

Some of the grandest examples of luck based mission bosses include Ozma in Final Fantasy 9, (who in my opinion may be the hardest video game boss ever made.) Xaldin in Kingdom Hearts, and pictured above to induce nightmares, The Boost Guardian from Metroid Prime Echoes.  These are the fights that to this day forums still have threads complaining about them.  These are the bosses that will ensure you spend some quantity time with the game over screen.

For those of you reading this, if you think of some prime examples of this type of boss, post about your experience below.  Discussions are good, especially on topics such as these.

The Scrawny Male's Anti Theft Survival Guide

This blog post now comes about due to a joke I made to a coworker that transformed into a full blown conversation.  Being that I am a small scrawny Jewish Male, would be thieves are likely to assume I am an easy target.  Also since stereotypes are far from dead, they likely also assume that I have a lot of money to pilfer, being not only Jewish, but quite openly so.

So today I will outline some survival tips that ensure that the chances of getting robbed significantly decrease.  Some of you that read this will come to the conclusion that these pieces of advice are common sense.  Remember that confirmation bias is in full play with this post.  For those of you who do not know what confirmation bias means, I am reminding you that just because you understand something does not mean everyone else does.

The first of these simple steps is to walk like you own the place.  Do not show fear.  Humans, like the rest of the animals on earth can sense fear.  A thief is drawn to fearful targets than confident ones.  Being afraid implies that one has something to lose.  Don't attract a looter by coming off this way.

The next of these simple tips is to talk on the phone or better yet, pretend to if you cannot reach anyone.  So long as you are the phone, that ensures that there is at least one witness to a potential crime.  Most criminals are deterred if they know they are very likely to be caught.  Having a fake phone call can be quite fun too.  It can be used as an ego booster.  Pretend to be talking to a very important person.  Have fun with it.  It not only protects you from thieves.  It helps you come off as more intimidating which deters a different type of criminal.  Even better, it boosts your self esteem.

Another tactic is more in response to a strategy that criminals employ.  People on the street will walk up to you and try in engage in conversation.  While they are distracting you, they will steal something or sometimes even attack.  In this situation, it is best to just continue on your merry way.  Don't even acknowledge the person.  This alerts them that you may be on to their trickery and they will go find a new victim instead.

Obviously these tricks are most commonly used when one finds themselves alone.  The number one deterrent to would be ill doers is to travel in groups.  I highly recommend this final piece of advice, as the others should be used as final defense mechanisms.  Traveling in  groups is safe, healthy, and fun (usually)

Final Fantasy VII: The Ignored Lesson

Final Fantasy VI is without a doubt my favorite video game and while the game before the one I am blogging about today (that is not a typo, 6, not 7, is my favorite video game of all time) has a significantly higher amount of lessons to be gained about the universe and the meaning of life at large, there is one major lesson from Final Fantasy VII that cannot and must not be ignored.  Its a scary, cautionary tale that was relevant in the 90s when the game was first conceived and is even more relevant today than it was then.

Sadly this very important lesson is overshadowed by a very popular Bishōnen, and his significantly cooler master, the Eldritch Abomination Jenova, but today I will be writing not at all about these two.  Instead I will be speaking of the force that mirrors a threat so very real in the world we all live in.

Shinra is who I speak of.  The direct cause of all the problems within the game, but the warning that this electric company portrays seems to be lost on most of society.  Shinra represents Capitalism, unfettered, unstoppable, in all its glory.  There is no regulation, there is no government interference, there is only a free market.  Just like in reality, "Free Market" is a mask for enslaved populace.

In game, Shinra gains a monopoly on electrical power, a resource that all who live on the Earth depend on for their survival.  Just like any corporation that has Capitalism as its creed, Shinra sought to gain complete dominance on a service and take all the production.  They maximized profits which anyone familiar with economics already knows, competition only creates a brief spike in sales.  The true way to ensure maximum profits is to ensure you are the only option. 

Dictators have quoted as saying in recent years that when Government is taken by Corporations, it is then that efficiency for the ruling class is at its premium.  Shinra quickly takes over the world once it has complete control of energy on the planet.  Quickly there are no governments, no countries, only Shinra.

Any form of competition is quickly stomped out with brutal violence.  Any new innovation that goes against Shinra's vision is quickly burned away.  As you read this, you may be thinking that Corporations want friendly competition.  You may believe that they genuinely care about the products they sell far more than the money they make from said products.  If you genuinely believe the statements that proceed this one, then I have a bridge to sell you.

A question was once asked of me when I spoke about this fear and danger in a public forum.  I was asked about if Corporations are so money hungry, why have they not already won?  The answer is simple.  The regular people, the you and mes of the world stop them each and every time.  Also it helps that Governments become elected, usually very anti big business in nature in recent years have busted these organizations apart before they can do harm.

So far Corporations have not stolen this world from us, but Evil only needs to win once, and the battle for what is right is happening right before our eyes.

Mother's Day

This is a blog post that goes out to all the moms, aspiring moms, and women who serve as mother figures to both children and adults.

The world is filled with difficult people (like me) who really need an entire City just to raise that one person.  But sometimes it takes the extra devotion and hard work of exceptional people to raise the ones that cannot have an entire City that revolves around their lives.  We call these remarkable individuals Mothers.

These people are real heroes, often unsung, and even worse, many of them can end up trapped by despair at moments in their lives.  There can be quite a few reasons for this.  Could it be that a mother misses their child who is halfway across the world?  Could their loved one not contact them as much as they should?  Is their loved one in another place now?  Is it even possible that a mother never even met their loved one?

So while mothers day is a wonderful day to celebrate life and love, it also can serve as a painful day to others.  This day can serve as a painful reminder of what was once and now is gone.  Know that your sadness is not in vain.  You make the world a better place every day that you exist.

So please I ask all who read this that you take some time out of your day to remind these most heroic people in our lives how important they are.  Whether they have a bunch of young children, or an empty nest, or G-d forbid nothing but a simple marker to remind them of what is so important to their lives, remind these loves of our lives who have taken care of us at our worst, our best, and everything in between.

It takes a special person to be called Mommy and I want to make sure my own Mother, Joy Ellison, who has been my greatest defender and champion for my life knows that I still call her this.

I may be half way across the United States.  I know that you miss me dearly and wish I was up in Illinois with you instead of in Florida where I am currently writing this blog post, but know that I love you and that this love transcends all reality, just as the love of a mother loyal to her children is among the greatest thing to witness.

Why the Phrase "Get a Real Job" Is Foolish

Lately this statement has been coming up a lot.  And quite frequently it has been directed at me.  It irks me when people trumpet foolish statements.  Especially foolish statements created with the intent of distraction and manipulation.  Today, I will explain why those reasons are.

First perhaps we should figure out what a real job is?  Like many of these annoying questions I have already written blog posts about, this question has a different answer from different people.  And as usual, when a question elicits that many responses, you become aware that there probably is lots of lies and deception involved.

But lets get past that and look at what they seem to think it means.  Getting a real job seems to imply a career where you wake up to a set schedule and make enough money to get by.  The job is stable and you may or may not be supposed to enjoy it depending on who's opinion you ask.  But whats amusing is that they seem to be content in telling you that a loss of freedom is just fine and justified.  Which brings me to my next point.

A majority of people that are tooting this phrase either are in a crummy job where they are miserable and thus just pushing their anger onto anyone that they can.  They are not the ones I have a problem with.  Angry and miserable people I have already figured out will always be that way.  Its the entitled idiots that I have a problem with.

This second group is far more likely to think that since they are a little more well off than others (like me) that they can rub it in the face of who they are speaking to.  These people greatly annoy me, in many ways.  They vote in ways to screw everyone.  They have an I got mine, I don't care that your life is hard mentality.  Even worse, these wonderful individuals like to tell others to find a real job.  Don't mind the fact that most successful people don't have a real job and are working outside the system to make their ends meet.

As a writer, as a Jew, as an Aspie, I was never meant to work by the normal rules of society.  Don't bother telling me to get a real job.  I'll just tell you to get a real life.

Gilgamesh

Yes THAT Gilgamesh and not the one that was written many many years ago about a very very different character.  Whether he is clashing heroes on big bridges, running around with a multitude of weapons that may or may not belong to him, or making crude jokes about women who dress like men, He is certainly among my favorite Final Fantasy Characters.  Luckily for myself as well as the countless fans of the character, he appears in just about every single Final Fantasy Game, and it won't be long before Kingdom Hearts finally draws him in.

We all know this image would be awesome in that series.  You know I'm serious.

So now that I have clearly come out of the closet about how much of a fan boy I am of Gilgamesh, I'm gonna explain the origins of this remarkable and very mysterious swordsman.

The character first appeared in Final Fantasy V which did not actually appear in America showing really how popular the character would become in the future.  His first true appearance to the non Japan audience was in Final Fantasy VIII where he taught Seifer who was boss before becomign a randomly summoned ally in battle for the rest of the game.

Next, he appeared in Final Fantasy IX although most players did not realize it was the same character as he was only named Gilgamesh if Zidane became a master treasure hunter.  He went by other names such as Alleyway Jack, or the Four Armed Man where he give Vivi a rundown on how to play card games or stole money from Dagger and Steiner.

Gilgamesh made it into the remakes of Final Fantasy I as well as V so Americans and Europe finally got to see the original character who became well known for pretending to surrender before casting protect, shell, haste then using Jump.  This is a command that is rarely used by enemies.  Throughout the game, he is one of the main antagonists, but toward the end of Final Fantasy V, Gilgamesh decides to help the party, and moments later is banished to the void by the main villain Exdeath.  Him being banished actually explains how he keeps appearing in all the different Final Fantasy Games.

Gilgamesh next appears in Final Fantasy VI advance serving a similar role as he did in VIII.  This is where the tradition of him collecting rare swords especially the Excalipor which he is convinced is the closely named Excalibur.  He attacks the party in hopes of stealing the second sword because he thinks its the first.

Then Final Fantasy XII rolls around and Gilgamesh really returns to his roots.  He attacks the party on a big bridge with his battle theme from Final Fantasy V remixed.  Even better, he pulls out a bunch of carbon copies of swords from past Final Fantasy Games.

He appears again in Final Fantasy XIII-2 where he even uses technology such as explosives in his arsenal.  I cannot wait to see what Square does with him next (Kingdom Hearts.  Do it now!)

Enough fanboying. For this blogger, its morphing time.  :)

Why I care more about raising kids than getting married

I'm sure the title of this one caught your attention.  If not that, the fact that my blog posts lately have been a bit more controversial has brought you to me.  Now that I have you here reading this, let me elaborate.

I am at the time of writing this post at the still young age of 25, but all around me, I found parents and the joy of child rearing is really something that is impossible to describe.  It is a wonderful sensation.  Watching a baby become a child and even after see the incredible person they become is a miracle of life.

Of course, part of that miracle of life (cloning not withstanding) involves two people who were born as opposing genders. (the effects on gender changes has not been studied extensively on how it affects reproduction.)  And to that end, I have spent far less time thinking about recently.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post, I am putting dating on hold while I focus on myself.  But now that I am approaching the second half of my 20s, the fatherly feeling is starting to take hold.  Of course, it should also be natural to want to be married before any of this occurs.  I find myself not thinking about relationships anywhere near as much as being a parent, and when I daydream about being a father, the mother is either not in my thoughts, or in most cases, completely absent to the point where the future me in question is a single father.

I found this intriguing and began to wonder why my subconscious thought would keep thinking in such a way.  The more and more I thought about it, the more I realized the answer.  One nasty word defines it.  A word that almost destroyed my teen years,  Divorce.

As an aspie, knowing who to trust and who is your enemy is a daily struggle.  Its like a CIA investigation with your friends and family as people of interest.  No more vulnerable does a person become to the whims of another than in dating and marriage.

Now before I continue, I know the feminists reading this are expecting me to play a female blaming game here.  Before I write my next thoughts, I want to make it clear that in many ways, women are discriminated against.  But when it comes to taking care of children, men are far, far, far, far, more likely to lose the custody battle that comes with divorce.

I have the added problem of being on the Autistic Spectrum.  A court judge could rule me unfit mentally to take care of my children.  Even worse, I plan to make myself a very wealthy man as I move forward into the future, and that wealth can be heavily used against me in a child support case.  I cannot think of anything worse than to lose the ability to watch my children grow up and pay all their child support.

This is a real fear of modern men and is certainly contributing to the fact that marriages are down and divorces are up.  Its not how it used to be.  There is so much to lose and companionship and love is not a fair offset for this (no matter what you may believe about love)

The usual response I get to these fears is that this will never happen so long as I choose the right woman to marry.  I would like to refer you to the already mentioned point about people on the Autism Spectrum not always having the greatest judge of character.  And the cynic in me remembers so called friends who waited a very very long time patiently to strike me in the back.  whats to prevent a marriage that seems wonderful to become the same?

Honestly, the possibility to raise children and watch them grow up is a wonderful idea to me, but the marriage and increasingly likely divorce that come with it terrify me.  Even worse, my parents own divorce certainly helped shape my brothers and I into the cynics we are today and I do not want to warp my own children in such a way by making the same mistake.

Taking a Step Back

Through a series of circumstances not limited to my car breaking, missing a train, missing multiple buses, job searching, and listening to poetry at open mics, I have had a new sense of reflection that I think I have been in serious need of for some time.

I will be working backwards with my discovery because it becomes easier to explain this way.  I'll start with an open mic day.  Called as such because it was at the Orlando Public Library during the day.  This open mic event actually helped me realize what I am writing here, for I was given a chance to do some improv in front of a small audience.

Letting my mind wander, I just let how I felt at that moment flow out.  In reality I was really just talking to myself and just happened to speak loud enough for others to listen in.  I spoke of nature, of metal, of large expanses of the world that I wanted to see.  Then I took it down one level and talked about cars, trains, and walking.  Forms of transportation to get me to nearby destinations.  Then I shrunk it down again and spoke of a grassy field laying on my back.  Finally, I took it down one final level and spoke of a tree that dropped a walnut on my head.  When I changed my orientation, the view of my current surroundings became incredible.

Going retroactive to the rest of my adventures leading up to this one, I got a chance to explore many locations that I drive by daily, sometimes multiple times in one outing.  This time though, I made the journey on foot.  By mercy of missing a train and two buses, I got to marvel at all the homes, trees, buildings and other features both natural and man made.  Normally, I am in such a rush that I would have ignored such things, but now with a chance to reflect, I really got to see the world around me.

This new level of wanderlust has awakened in me a desire to revisit places I have been before in hopes of finding something new.  I challenge you all to do the same.  Take a step back, see the world from a different angle than normal.  You never know what you may find.