Monday, August 15, 2016

Tin Foil Hat Monday: Austria Is Cursed


Constantly people like to make jokes about France and the countries' inability to win wars. This is not even true in modern day, but I have never understood why France is the target of such labels, especially when there is such a country that is an absolute failure at winning wars.

And that country is Austria.  Notice though that this title does not just limit itself to war.  Austria being cursed is this weeks conspiracy theory.  Whether you believe in a higher power of some form or not, its hard to deny that something in our universe seems to be conspiring against this country.

Lets take a look.  Going way way way back in history, Napoleon needed to consolidate some power.  What did he do? Why he attacked Austria of course.  Beat the country so senseless that it forced the rest of Europe to jump in to stop him before he conquered half the continent.

Soon afterwards, Italy wanted to be a free country, so they tricked Austria into fighting them in a war.  Quickly, Italy was a country of its own and Austria was once again defeated.

Even sooner afterwards, Prussia wanted to be a free country, so they tricked Austria into fighting them in a war. Quickly, Prussia was a country of its own and Austria was once again defeated.

World War I happened and somehow once Prussia became Germany, they had gotten much closer ties to Austria, but as we all know, that was the losing side of World War I.

Not learning from any of the past mistakes, Austria once again joined forces with Germany in World War II, and once again, they lost a war.  They also had the unfortunate implications of being the birthplace of the man who started the war and whose name has become synonymous with evil.

So whatever the future holds for this poor country, that seems to have powerful beings invested in its doom, it should probably stay out of wars, possibly forever at this point.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Fiction Tuesday: Suicide Squad


Back for another Tuesday Blog post, featuring  my personal thoughts on the Suicide Squad Movie.

Do not worry about spoilers for this post, I am doing what I can to avoid them.

First, I will discuss what the movie does right.  

And right off the bat, see what I did there?) we are able to understand the characters without an incredibly dull amount of prologue to set up the movie.  This style was a serious strike against Batman Vs Superman, but for this movie, they improved the concept and made it work.  

Also fantastic was Harley and Mr. J's relationship.  It felt like the authentic Stockholm Syndrome that I expect from these two characters.  While we are on the subject of the Joker, I loved Leto's depiction of the character.  After all of the darker iterations of the joker thanks to Nolan, it was nice to see a different type of villain.  The clown prince of crime has not acted in the way shown in this movie in many years in modern mediums.

Another strong point was Deadshot.  In a movie where the staring cast is all villains, the viewer needs at least one character to latch on to.  Otherwise audience induced apathy occurs. Deadshot is still an obvious villain.  But one that it feels right to root for.

A few of the other moral dilemmas presented in the movies were a welcome change from the far happier Marvel Universe.  And while Marvel did bring some more darkness into Civil War, I still enjoyed the darker DC Universe.

But all movies have their downsides, and there was one serious problem I had with the movie.  Whenever a borderline reality warper character exists in a story, they cannot sudden ly forget about their powers. This irked me to no end during the movie and when you see Suicide Squad for yourself, you will understand what I am talking about.

Besides this major flaw, I completely disagree with the reviews of the movie.  I highly recommend that all see it.  just don't expect the greatest movie ever and you will be fine.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Fiction Tuesday: 7 Great Female Antagonists

While it has carved out a niche for this blog on Tuesday, this post has been long in the making and is the sister of one I wrote almost a month ago.  While that one focused on fantastic heroines to aspire to be, this article will focus on some of the best female villains to secretly want to emulate.

Many female villains exist for either villain sex appeal or take it many magnitudes further and use their charm and manipulative ability becoming fem fatales or full on Vamps.  Today I will be fixating on some of the most impressive females that evil has to offer in fiction.  And they are not limited to the sex appeal roles.

Queen Azshara (Warcraft)

There are many great female villains created by Blizzard Entertainment, but there is only ONE Azshara and she will not be denied! Before she became the Queen of the Serpentine Naga.  she was the Queen of Elvenkind.  She was known for her remarkable beauty, to such a degree that all the Elves loved her, and the nobles worshiped her like she was a physical G-d.  And as discovered far too late  by the non nobility, she was and is an exceptionally powerful mage.  so powerful in fact, that she was casting a mind control spell that inspired awe in the entire elven race towards her.  And that Empire was roughly the size of North America.  

But her immense strength as well as the rituals she made use of attracted the attention of the Omnicidal Burning Legion and their master, the Dark Titan Sargerus. So powerful was Azshara that almost all the lesser Demons that came within her presence were instantly enslaved to her will and the greater ones either steered far away or outright ran in terror rather than confront her.  And she was MORTAL at the time.  One who had the ability to contest all the Legions Demons up until its very masters which only numbers 3.  the lesser two are full on reality warpers with prime invincibility and created such other powerful villains in Warcraft such as the Lich King.  The most powerful, the Dark Titan is a Physical Planet

But as normally happens in stories, the villains are stopped but the destruction of 2/3rds of the world did not stop Queen Azshara.  As she and her followers began to drown, a dark voice reached out to her.  The voice of the Old G-ds, the other major villains who rival the Legions Power, promised her revenge in exchange for a "Gift" Now, she is the Serpentine Queen and has complete control of all oceans as of the writing of this post.  Who knows how powerful Queen Azshara has become now that she is a G-dlike entity in her own right?  Especially considering she is the most powerful mortal mage who ever lived...

Yvonnel Baenre (Legend of Drizzt)
Oh, you thought I was gonna put her daughter here right? Quenthel Baenre is worthy of being on this list, but her mommy is much better suited and deserves the spot more.

Now, lets talk about Yvonnel The Eternal . Known as Matron Baenre and for much of the series, the ruler of the incredibly dangerous Drow City of Menzobarranzen.  And considering that the intrigue there would give the entire Song of Ice and Fire Universe a run for its money, that is quite a feat.  But for those of you who are not aware of this deadly and powerful Priestess of Lloth, you may be wondering why others who are might be confused by her inclusion on this list.  That's when the Eternal Part becomes important.  She back!  And now she is young and beautiful, but maintained all the wisdom she possessed in her last life.

When you consider the sheer number of badasses that she is the mother of, it hard not to place her on the list.  For example, Jarlaxle, Gromph, Triel, and Quenthel, who are all magnificent bastards within the forgotten realm universe, are her children. (Google those characters if you do not know them.  Trust me.) But a list of her accomplishments would be far too long, but I'll highlight the major ones: Destruction of House Do'Urden (yes THAT Do'Urden), finding a way to live forever via memory implantation, killing the first Dwarven King of Mythral Hall, Being the Spider Queen's favorite pet for her entire life (both of them of them) And in her new life, breaking Drizzt's mind and defeating Demogorgon who is considered one of the most powerful Demons in the Abyss.  And unlike many on this list, she is still at large. beware readers, in her new body, she has yet to be defeated!

Kyouka (Fairy Tail)

You may have noticed that the last two had a lot of themes that appeal to male gaze.  Well do not worry, for if Kyouka is attractive, it is very irrelevant to her as shes a lesbian and could care less about male gaze.  Oh and she's a Demon.  A really powerful Demon at that.  Her tricks of the trade are in torture, and as one of the leaders of the Dark Guild Tartaros she does these tasks quite well.  Her secondary task is recruitment.  And as a Social Darwinist, only the strongest survive her selection process.What really makes Kyouka frightening is her ability to torment people who normally are immune.

Countless action girls and male shounen characters are brought to their knees by her power.  And she is so ruthless that her own teammates who have a blood lust equal to her own do what she says out of fear of being her next victim.  Keep in mind that these Teammates are ALSO Demons.  While she may not posses the raw power of some of the other women on this list, readers who are introduced to her never forget her brutality.  And before she is finally beaten, she brings on permanent PTSD on a good number of main characters in the cast.

She may be dead, but the scars she left on the other characters will never fade.


Flemeth (Dragon Age)
Ah Flemeth.  The Witch of the Wilds, Mother of Countless Daughters, Kidnapper of multitudes of children.  But she has better things to do than all that... Right?  Flemeth is an example of exactly down to the t what I expect in a Female Villain and only one other on this list can contest her for truly my favorite on this list.

But the infamous Witch of the Wilds has a multiple choice past with conflicting stories.  And with such a mysterious purpose, only a fool knows to trust her.  But at the same time, you have no choice but to do as she says.  And with the ability to foresee the future she is near impossible to out gambit.

Just what is her purpose? So far she happens to be a Dragon sometimes, or is the Human Crone the illusion? Her daughter, Morrigan knows not what is going on with her mother. Only that killing Flemeth may be but a minor inconvenience to the witch.  The Elves worship her as well.  Is there a connection perhaps?

What we can say for sure, is that the possibilities of Flemeth appearing again are quite high.  Especially after the events of Inquisition, big plans are in motion, and Flemeth is certain to be near the epicenter of it all.  She has spent so much time hiding on the outside, but that will likely be over now.


Melisandre (A Song of Ice and Fire)
Anyone who survives in the Universe of Song and Ice and Fire probably has earned a spot on some list . But not only does the Red Priestess survive, she thrives off the chaos of the world.  Spreading the word of the Lord of Light, usually violently, even more usually using fire.  When she is going Inquisition on Heathens,  she is busy creating assassin babies and helping make an ancient prophecy come to pass.  So cunning is this woman that she convinces parents to murder their children and vice versa.  The Lord of Light requires great sacrifice. 

What are her motives?  Who, or what, is the Lord of Light?  So many questions, and even less answers than normal for this universe.  And I predict that we have not seen the full extent of this woman's power.  Fantasy novels have this tendency to save all the really cool magic stuff for the end.  But as Game of Thrones races to its conclusion, we should see more of this stuff.

As of now though, as far as Melisandre is concerned, we know nothing, just like Snow

Azula (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Azula is the resident Knight of Cerubus on this page.  What this means is that everything gets drastically worse whenever she is involved in the Avatar Universe.  Fire Bender is for squares.  Child prodigies shoot lightning instead.  Normal villains conquer cities or maybe even a collection of town. Magnificent Bastards conquer entire continents, attack people mid transformation, and banish G-ds from whence they came.

Azula manages to keep her pride in check despite the fact that the emotion oozes from every pore on her body. She might have some serious issues deep down, but clearly that doesn't stop her one bit.  And as she continues to cause set back after setback for the heroes, she sets in the fear from the viewers standpoint that good may not be able to prevail.

When a villain can create an aura of hopelessness, they are exactly what a story needs.

Lanfear (Wheel of Time)
As any who know me can say, I saved the best for last.  Not only is Lanfear my favorite character on this list, she is quite frankly my favorite female character, ever.  Now, lets get to the good part.  Who is the Daughter of the Night? Why does she wear white? And most importantly, why does the idiot hero refuse to tap that?

I did point out that sex appeal alone is not enough for me to like a character.  But Lanfear is stunning, but also the most powerful female mage to ever live (you should be seeing a theme at this point) and joined The Dark One because women scorned who are filled with lots of pride and enough magical power to destroy civilizations tend to do that.  None of the villains trust her.  Its all about me is in full effect with Lanfear, and even compared to the other chronic backstabbing disorder villains, she is as trustworthy as a media source covering a candidate they dislike.

Still, she does more good for the main characters, unintentionally most of the time, than many of the other heroes do. And its always interesting when a villain does not hide from the heroes and actively talks to them, even if in disguise.  Even better is when a character is genre savvy enough to play with the heroes emotions and tempt him with power and a seductive smile.  But Lanfear does even better stuff than what is outlined.

She is a master of dreams.  And people feared her in ancient times for driving people to suicide in their sleep. Most villains talk the talk, but Lanfear walks the walk, and one must hope they do not get caught in one of her rampages, lest terrible things happen to them. Is she a Vamp, Fem Fatale, Traitor to all? Who knows with her.  Only the Daughter of the Night knows of her own goals.

But quite frankly the best aspect of Lanfear with dialogue included, is that she is one of only a few villains that understand that the Dark One has no intention of letting his servants rule when he wins.  Lanfear knows that the only way she can rule the world, and universe is to kill G-d and the Dark One and rule as the only omnipotent being left.  And she has the tools to do just that.

Her many many many gambits may have failed in the end, but countless tears were wept for one of the most lovable of lovable traitors in fiction.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Tin Foil Hat: The Second Amendment

Welcome to the Tin Foil Hat Monday's were I will scare you with horrific conspiracy theories.


For today's what if scenario: The dreaded Second Amendment.

The second Amendment allows Americans to carry guns as well as allow a well regulated militia to exist.  Today we will ignore the legal battles that are ensuing over this law, for they have been beaten to death.  Instead, we will focus on on of the central reasons people care about the law.

Many people cling to the second amendment as their protection from a repressive government and this seems logical on the surface.  People with guns are able to attack people, right?  The answer is yes.  It is harder to kill someone or oppress someone who is able to defend themselves.

But remember, this is on the surface.  Lets dig a bit deeper.  Who gave us those rights again?  Was it the government?  Oh crap! It was! Now why oh why would the government that we need guns to protect ourselves from allow us to have them?

So to get to my point, what happens when you fight a battle against someone, and you get to choose their weapon without them knowing what tools you will make use of?  Well unless your an idiot or you opponent outsmarts you (which implies your an idiot) you win, with 100 percent certainty.

So imagine this, the government gave us guns, knowing that if we rebelled, they would have countermeasures in place.  In today's age, imagine what would happen: A band of armed rebels march on Washington, and within moments they all die as the air turns green and a deadly toxin is loosed on them.  Their guns are rendered useless.  For that is how a smart person fights when he chooses the weapon for his enemy.

So the second amendment is not protection from government tyranny.  It is the gilded prison we are locked in to ensure that we cannot fight against government tyranny.

Enjoy your nightmares tonight.  There will be more next week with the nxt Tinfoil Hat Special.