School Days: A Spoiler Free Review

The hardest part about keeping this review spoiler free was the search for a proper image.  The most popular images for the School Days Anime are massive spoilers.

Anyway, the review.  This Anime has a special place in my heart.  A special place where love is replaced with hatred.  I do not hate the Anime.  In fact the Anime is genius.  What I do hate is every single character in this show.

This is one of those this is not what it appears to be stories.  This one might be a turnoff for people who do not have a lot of patience.  School days will surely test the strongest of patient people.  But for those who trek through it, this is an enjoyable Anime and dare I say, a fun social experiment as well.  As for what I mean by that, well, you will just have to take my word on that.

School Days as far as the initial story goes, is about a young man who is getting dating advice from a close friend.  Since this is high school craziness ensues.  And since this a love story, an inevitable love triangle forms.  Featuring shy characters, and others who are far more blunt than the rest, this Anime is fun and causes anger for all ages.

While it can be challenging to watch this Anime all the way through, it is worth is if you can stomach all the intrigue that happens.  As a bonus, there is a nice boat at the end.

Re: Zero : A Spoiler Free Review

When I went to Mega con Orlando this past May, I saw a cosplay group multiple times that intrigued me.  Twin maids with different hair colors: One blue and the other red.  After asking my friends who were familiar with the characters, I learned of this anime.  I was in the middle of Berserk 2017 at the time, but was told to drop even that anime to watch this one.

And so, shortly after Megacon Orlando, I set aside an entire day to learn the most important question of Re: Zero: Who is Rem?

Re: Zero is a deconstruction of a popular anime genre known as insertion in another world.  And unlike most of these tales with an overpowered protagonist who adapts quickly and turns into a Mary Sue, Subaru, the main character fails to accomplish these things.  Instead, we have a bumbling protagonist who is constantly wrong genre savvy.  Also, lets face it, his super power is pretty awful on both a meta level and a psychological one.  I leave those of you reading this blog post to watch the show and find out what I mean.

This anime does not pull punches, and it was certainly compelling enough from beginning to end to keep me entertained long enough to watch it all in one sitting.  Roughly 9 hours of my time was spent in rapid succession.  Re: Zero did not disappoint at any moment.

Like many of the other Anime I have reviewed recently, such as Berserk, Another, and Future Diary, Re: Zero is an anime that keeps the viewer guessing and constantly puts the protagonist in increasingly horrific situations that he is forced to find himself out of.  Insanity, betrayal, racism, and wrong genre savvy are only a few of the tropes at play in this glorious story and the more I talk about it, the harder it becomes to not spoil a thing.

With this in mind, I will point out that I am on the Team Emilia side of the ship wars that take up a large portion of the fan base.  To understand that I am in the minority (Team Rem is the majority as well as an indicator of who the most popular character is) one must watch the anime all the way through, and then to understand why I have chosen this character over her popular counterpart, requires an exercise in thought and potentially a peek into the source material.  Careful if you read the light novels though as they are ahead of the Anime.

My only criticism of Re: Zero is the pacing is solid, but the character representation is all over the map.  With a large cast, it is difficult to keep everyone constantly relevant, but Re: Zero can at times seem to leave plot points unresolved when suddenly prominent characters disappear from the plot.  The fact that the Anime is not complete yet might fix this issue, but as of the writing of this blog post, that is the greatest flaw of Re: Zero.

Do not let that deter you from enjoying this masterful story.  I recommend my friends to watch Re: Zero to prepare themselves for the even darker Berserk because the two stories have a surprise factor that manages to pull the rug out from the viewer and sucker punch in painful ways.  If you enjoy stories where you genuinely fear for the protagonists, this is an Anime to watch.

Berserk 2016: Spoiler Free Review

Hot on the heels of my last review, I choose now to review the much more controversial 2016 Berserk Anime. 

Warning, to even review this Anime means mentioning spoilers from Berserk 1997, so if you have not seen that Anime, I recommend avoiding reading this review.  This review is spoiler free in regards to the material being reviewed, but given the shocking revelations of the first part, it is near impossible to avoid spoilers.  Also, just like my last review warned, Berserk is a graphic story that deal with multiple extreme themes including Rape, Free Will vs Enslavement, Corrupt Religious Affiliation, Prostitution, and Mental Illness among other things.

Before I continue, I want to get one other thing out of the way immediately.  The greatest criticism levied at Berserk 2016 is the studio's choices in regards to animation. I will agree that especially in the first couple of episodes, the animation is nothing less than awful.  It can be quite jarring to the point where even the incredible narrative that is Berserk can seem interrupted.  If these issues are too much for a potential viewer, then I recommend to read the Berserk Manga instead and not continue with the Anime, however, if one is able to get past this major flaw, this is still a Berserk Anime, and as close as possible tries to remain true to the source material.

Anyway, for those who are continuing, let this review commence.  It has been years since viewers were exposed to the horrors of the grave eclipse, where betrayal was defined.  Where Guts lost an arm and an eye, and Casca was raped into insanity.  By now I assume that those still reading this review are desensitized to these issues and I will continue on.  Viewers waited for almost 20 years for the Anime to show what would happen next, and this Anime is the result.

Like the earlier arc, berserk 2016 deals with issues of revenge and the costs of such a crusade.  Guts goes through hell and back constantly as the Brand of Sacrifice on his back summons  enemies into the Black Swordsman's life each and every night.

Demons in the night are not the only threat Guts faces, and a Templar order also has taken interest in our protagonist.  This perfect storm of intrigue and themes of humanity and the darkness of hearts really do well to continue the narrative of Berserk that was introduced to the Anime world in 1997.

With a soundtrack that really nails Berserk and with an intro that I actually enjoyed more than the original opening from 1997, this Anime may not be as amazing as its predecessor but that still does not mean its terrible.  Berserk is a story so well constructed and with a cast of characters so incredible, that even a sub par adaption would be really good. And Berserk 2016 is still pretty good.

I definitely recommend this Anime to lovers of the original anime, but for those who have somehow gotten to the bottom of this page and completely ignored everything I said above, watch the 1997 Anime first.

Berserk 1997: Spoiler Free Review

Oh man, where do I even start with this review?

Before I begin, Berserk is an Anime that has been recommended to me countless times over the years and it was always one that I had meant to watch.  However, what really caught my attention, especially as a Dark Fantasy writer, is how every person that sings of this Anime's praises, hails it as the Darkest Anime in existence.  I set out to find out if these claims were valid.

This review deals with the Golden Age Arc plus the single Black Swordsman Arc Episode that is the Pilot Episode, and I daresay after seeing this show until its infamous conclusion that the critics are right on the money.  

After watching Berserk, I had to change my units of measurement of how I feel about dark fantasy because this story is truly genre defining. With a plot that has few to no holes combined with an absolutely well constructed cast of characters, Berserk left me spellbound and out of breath in every episode.

Before I continue, a couple things.  While I will be doing my best to avoid spoilers, talking about Berserk without mentioning major plot points is difficult.  Also, as this story has been in existence for more than 20 years now, some of the most famous plot points are late arrival spoilers in the same vein that everyone knows that Sheik in Ocarina of Time is Princess Zelda. Still, I will hold to the title above of spoiler free.  Second, Berserk is a Dark Anime of the highest caliber.  This story deals with intense themes involving sexuality, religion, philosophy, child abuse, and psychological trauma.  Berserk is not for the feint of heart, and neither is this review. 

"In this world, is the destiny of mankind controlled by some transcendental entity or law...? Is it like the hand of God hovering above? At least it is true that man has no control, even over his own will."

The opening narration of Berserk sets the tone perfectly. The deep seated philosophical issues addressed come into play immediately.   The three main protagonists: Guts, Griffith, and Casca all seem to be strung along and destined for... something.  But none of the three know what.  

Guts especially seems to be a cosmic plaything. Born from the womb of a woman who had been lynched and adopted by a child molester, the world has not been kind to the main character of the story.  He travels the land fighting strong enemies for money, but his fate becomes crossed by the two other protagonists, and a journey that none could have imagined occurs. 

I do not worry about how people will feel about the comparison I am about to make.  After I watched Berserk, I do not enjoy Game of Thrones anywhere near the level that I did before watching this Anime.  The infamous events in Berserk easily dwarf everything Game of Thrones throws at the viewer. Both have political intrigue, deep and bitter betrayal, a nasty world that I would never want to find myself in, and all the other hallmarks of Dark Fantasy.  But Berserk takes it many steps farther and makes the story much more personal than Game of Thrones is capable of.

This is truly one of the greatest Anime I have ever seen.  Its one of the greatest stories ever told no doubt. Just remember before watching, and I quote the TvTropes article on Berserk. "Dealing with themes of Despair, Rape, and what it means to be human, Berserk is not for the faint of heart." However, by those who can get through the story, they will find an absolute masterpiece that is life changing.  

I recommend this to literally everyone. There is nothing out there like this story.  Just make sure you know what you are getting yourself into before you take the journey.  

The Illusion of Freedom

Growing up like so many in the United States, I was taken in with the awe of such a country where people were free to practice their own religion or believe generally whatever they wanted. This idealistic situation would have not even three hundred years ago have been seen as possible.  Such a utopia we were living in!

But like any utopia, the reality is that there is no such thing.  The sweeter the illusion, the nastier the fall to realism.  My childhood exploded with the destruction of the twin towers, and my idealism melted alongside the jet fuel induced steel beams.  September 11th allowed me to begin coming to grips with reality.  As I was continually blamed at my middle school for the deaths of those involved.  I remember specific remarks such as me pleading that I was a Jew not a Muslim.  The responses were always the same: "You don't believe in Christ just like the Muslims.  You are going to hell.  You are evil." Words that a young teen boy should never have to deal with.

But rather than dwell in the fact that I was being targeted despite having nothing to do with 9/11, I decided to learn about Islam.  In doing so, I decided that perhaps it would be easier to understand why the comparisons exist.  I quickly found similarities, but those similarities stem into far more than just religious texts.  Indeed, humanity seems to have similar rules wherever you go on how to behave.

Rules such as murdering is wrong, alongside stealing being immoral make sense to me.  They make sense to the world at large, hence why those laws appear just about everywhere.  But that got me thinking.  If such rules are universal, and freedom is about the ability to choose what rules to follow, are we truly free?

It seems to me, that freedom only extends so long as one keeps their head down and follows the rules.  Upstarts and rebels are punished not just by the law, but by their peers.  Seeing the world as an outsider courtesy of my Jewish Heritage has shown me that for all our advancements, tribalism still guides humanity.  

To that end, the lovely ideas we subscribe to in America: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness, seem to have fine print attached to them.  This superscript adds that "these rights shall vanish into the night the moment you stop following the complex laws put in place by those in power"

Many people constantly talk about the cost of freedom.  They will give you differing definitions about what that cost is.  My answer to this cost is simple.  There is no cost.  Freedom is an illusion. The cost for something that is fake is in fake currency.  Freedom is the ability to live lie according to standards chosen.  I do not think humanity favors freedom.  Instead we favor stability and control in our lives.  Freedom is the opposite of such ideals: Instability, chaos, and uncertainty.

x

Another: Spoiler Free Review

Getting back into the swing of things, here is another anime review, just for you.  (Yes, I am absolutely terrible)

I was told to watch Final Destination the Anime for quite some time and as of the writing of this post, it has been some time again since I watched the show.  However, like death, one must be patient to appreciate art and even more so to get a clear review on said art.

Anyway, Another is a psychological thriller featuring a school that is cursed in a most unusual way.  Many years before the start of the story, a class refused to acknowledge that one of their students had died.  This defiance of the laws of nature somehow caused the class to move closer to death.  Unfortunately, in this case, death does not like this closer union.

Every year, the curse creates an extra student who in reality is not alive.  Unfortunately, thanks to the power of reality warping, neither the student nor the class know the truth and even the records of the school update as if nothing is wrong.  However, the moment this extra student appears in the class, Death tries to fix the problem, by causing painful ends to the students.

With plenty of side plots that become increasingly important and fatalities that can sometimes come off as extremely absurd, this anime requires the viewer to pay very close attention to each detail.  As the truth slowly unravels, the ante is upped alongside the extreme and gruesome aspects to this tale that would make Edgar Allen Poe proud.

For lovers of this genre, Another will not disappoint.  To those who are not as used to this genre, a couple warnings in advance.  Deaths are graphic, cruel and unusual.  The second warning is that the pacing can seem a little strange at times.  Murder mysteries can do this at times for the sake of drama, but for those that are uninitiated, this can seem a bit jarring.

All and all though, I would recommend this anime to enthusiasts as well as those who like murder mystery. Another will not disappoint so long as it is given a chance to deliver.

Mentally Ill Human Race

I have tried my best to avoid politics in my blog posts.  I have tried even harder to do them without mentioning our commander in tweet, but with LGBT rights in the cross hairs yet again, I have emerged from the shadows, with my opinion.

Lets say that you see the genetics of an individual.  The code listed is XX.  What does that tell you? That this individual is a female of course.  But what happens when this individual also has a penis? Are they still a female?  Or are they a male now?  In just a couple sentences, I have proven that even science sees gender as fluid.

And yes, I know.  The most common counter argument to what I just said is that those mutations are the signs of a mental illness.  And that these same mental illnesses are why trans individuals should be barred from the military.

While I cannot deny that people who join the military have to be in the best condition possible, I question why having a mental illness of any kind is the end all be all.  Notably, I have Autism and was barred from enlisting.  However, at the time , I also suffered from other conditions that were far more likely to impair my time in the military.

Anyway, I do not consider LGBT a mental illness in the slightest, but for the sake of this argument, lets pretend that I do.  If we are going to bar individuals from being in important positions, cause this is not only limited to the military, we have to be consistent about mental illness.  Clearly people with Autism, and Schizophrenia are gone.  So is anyone with Bi Polar, Manic Depressive, and Depression conditions.  Don't forget any Narcissists and people on the anti social personality disorder spectrum.  Wait doesn't the President of the United States fit under one of those  umbrellas?

In fact, better bar people who are over weight and under weight.  People who are Anorexic and Bulimic as well.   And while we are on the nature of eating disorders, we better ban anyone who puts poison in their body intentionally.  Yep no one who drinks alcohol can be in an important position.   And if you eat chocolate or candy I have bad news for you.  Do you like smoking Tobacco?  Better not want a position of importance.

Too tall?  Too short? Too smart?  Too dumb?  Lets be real, we are all mentally ill.  We all have problems.  Our biology does not decide how we express ourselves.  We choose how express ourselves.  Sometimes our biology agrees, and sometimes it goes down kicking and screaming.  We are measured by how we handle our individual problems, and being in a position of power or the military should be defined by those same standards.

Rather, I think there is a different reason the same people calling for barring LGBT people from the military also claim to love the military.  They are trying to avoid a dilemma in honoring soldiers who they believe have been condemned by a God who in all likelihood, probably gives little to zero fucks about their opinions. Man oh man, people thinking there is a man in the sky that wastes time watching every little thing you do, waiting to punish you at a moments notice, now that is mental illness.

Why I turned my Back on God

Anyone who knows me well understands that I am apologetically Jewish, even the name of this entire blog should tell a stranger this truth.  However, the more and more I understand the Torah, and other related texts, the less I trust the one who created it, and by proxy, created me.

Perhaps it is through my love of Cosmic Horror and other related media that I began to think long and hard about where I stand on my religious faith.  But there are many aspects that helped me come to the conclusions I now have.  More importantly, these aspects are what helped me find the group of words that really describe my belief system.

Three words are important to my viewpoints on faith.  Those words are: Misotheism, Dystheism, and Maltheism.

Misotheism is the hatred of God.  It was more common in the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and especially Norse cultures where many individuals saw the Gods of their pantheons are childish and not worthy of worship.

Dystheism is the belief that God or Gods are not good.  Whether this means indifferent or outright against humanity is up for the interpretation of each individual.  While this belief system was also common with the groups outlined above, more recently, many Agnostic, Deist, and most notably Jewish individuals have started looking at this ideology for answers.  

Maltheism is the belief that God or Gods are wicked and dangerous.  That the ultimate enemy of mankind is our creator(s).  This ideology of the three makes the most sense to me, especially given the famous philosophical "Problem of Evil" which goes as follows:

1. If an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God exists, then evil does not
2. There is evil in the world
3. Therefore, and omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent God does not exist

Tragedies such as the Holocaust have taken well to do people of faith and transformed them into cynics who wonder why God would allow such travesties to occur.  The most common answers tend to be one of the following from a person of faith:

1. It is all part of Gods plan
2. The people who died were needed with him more

I no longer accept either these answers and anything more but extreme denial to the highest degree. 



Cosmic Horror is defined as being a realm where the God or Gods are so alien to human ideas that trying to quantify them is not only pointless but capable of inducing insanity.  Looking at stories within biblical texts, every person who was (un) fortunate to come into contact with God was either blinded, burned alive, or had their mind distorted in some horrific way.  The angels too according to these same texts look like something out of an H. P. Lovecraft book.  With heads coming out of their eyes these creatures assault our thoughts as multi winged menaces that take on the appearances of the beings of our darkest nightmares.  Both of these descriptions would be right at home within the Cosmic Horror Genre.  But the final aspect of this type of literature is the overwhelming hopelessness of the situation.  I am getting to that soon enough.

One major story that really helped me quantify my religious beliefs was the Anime Berserk.  The God of this universe is the spiritual manifestation of evil itself.  Its servants known as the Angelic Godhand, are five incredibly powerful, reality warping Arch Demons who control causality to ensure that Humanity evolves down the paths that they desire.

I applied this same idea to the Abrahamic God. Assuming that this God is near omnimalevolent if not fully, every single advancement of Humanity, every scientific discovery was and is nothing more than a trick to keep us under its control.  Keeping in mind all of what I have stated, lets look at a timeline that really showcases the manipulations of this being.

Going back to the Greeks, it must be noted that the concept of Misotheism was becoming more and more popular.  Perhaps humanity was finally realizing that they were being manipulated.  The Abrahamic God came to the rescue there.  I am moving forward with the assumption that indeed, the Abrahamic God is not truly a God at all, but an incredibly powerful Demon. Perhaps this being is strong enough to bring the entire universe into being, perhaps not. Regardless, it made a pact with the Hebrews and thus enslaved them to its will.  But they were few in number and could not serve the purpose that this Demon wished.  Why to spread misery and despair of course.

This was easy to accomplish by using the human ego that this being had given us in the first place.  Ya know, causality and all.  By telling the Jews that they (we since I am one) are the chosen people, it made it easy to manipulate these individuals into killing and enslaving their neighbors in the name of God.  Under the guise of destroying idolatry, God tricked the Jewish people into being enslaved by the Egyptians with the express purpose of spreading despair through that kingdom via the 10 plagues of Egypt.  Afterwards, the Israelis retook Canaan which is now called Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, and Syria.  The amount of despair was a source of nourishment for the Demon God controlling this group.

But the Jews started to slow down and were not causing enough despair.  A new religion was needed to accomplish what they Jews could not.  So a man named Jesus was selected as a sacrificial lamb.  With the Demon God coming into his dreams until he was driven insane the not so divine above tricked the Romans into killing him.  A new religion was rallied around this man with blood lust in the hearts of the believers.  Christianity was born, and for many years, fulfilled the quota of despair.

But Christianity was not spreading fast enough, and the Jews had not been wiped out.  Realizing that a third religion  fighting in a three way war with the others as well as the rest of the world would serve as the perfect catalyst for energy.  Thus Mohamed, the prophet, driven mad by God the very same way Jesus was, created a third religion.  Islam.  At this stage, God then told all three faiths that they were the chosen ones, and so a war of control which exists to this very day began.  Despair filled the world, and our souls and the negative energy they give became an all you can eat buffet. 

Unfortunately, secularism started to make all three religions far more moderate.  The killings started to stop, and hope began appearing in the world.  God does not want this.  He wants us as nothing more than food.  But he also knows that driving us to suicide removes a source of food.  An investment of sorts.  So tragedy after tragedy, the most recent ones being Terrorism and the renewed rise of far right Fasicm have once again given God the food he so needs.

As God is the enemy of mankind, I have turned my back on him, and if not for the fact that we are living in a Cosmic Horror Story, I would hope that one day he would be vanquished and Humanity free of God forever.  But this being is unfathomably powerful and cunning.  He has powerful Cults in the forms of the Charedim, The Evangelicals (notably Quiverfulls) and Islamists to ensure that peace will never exist on earth.

Beware what prayers you offer to God above as your connection with it has a chance of leaving you mind raped and disoriented.  Prayer feels good for the same reason having  an addiction to a powerful drug does.  If it did not, we would avoid it.  The Demon controlling our entire existence will not allow it.  The only chance our species has at escape is to against our very programming.  Lest we doom ourselves to even worse fates in the future.

Lesser Evil: Spoiler Free Review

Before I begin my review of this novel, I must note a couple things of importance.  First, P. F. Davids, the author of this series is a close friend and friendly rival in the world of writing.  Second, in case the first point did not make it obvious, I potentially carry some bias in my review here due to the already mentioned points.  As a fellow writer of science fiction and fantasy, it is my hope that despite these inherent biases that this review is still helpful.  Anyway, back to the review:

Lesser Evil is the first novel in the Lesser Evil Trilogy and focuses on a fantastic world ravaged by war.  The opening segments draw a reader in quickly thanks to a form of writing that I like to see employed. A mission that not only does not go as planned, but ends in tragedy.  The witty dialogue in the first couple pages properly sets the tone for the rest of the novel.

The central theme of this novel is that there is a hierarchy of ethics that can and will be broken based on the level of need, hence the name of the series.  To that end, in a  beautiful averted trope that is normal in fantasy, the church within this universe is the closest thing to a protagonist so far.  Meanwhile the villain, Serpentine is an Evil Overlord who will not suffer any Gods besides himself to exist.

I must take a moment to talk about Serpentine as I got a specific type of vibe from him.  A video game that I grew up playing called Fire Emblem Path of Radiance has a similar character to this antagonist in the form of Mad King Ashnard.  This is hardly a bad thing since Ashnard is one of my personal favorite evil emperors in fiction.  The fact that Serpentine reminds me of this well constructed villain is a compliment to Davids.  I am eager to see if later books in the series will paint Serpentine as a Social Darwinist or if the story will take this evil overlord a totally different direction.

As for the protagonists, which in my opinion is (are) the strongest aspect (s) of this novel, we have two.  The Lawful Good aligned Kester is the main protagonist.  A member of the Church, this man has always lived in his brother's shadow.  Through Lesser Evil, Kester constantly reflects on how his brother would have acted contrary to his own decisions.  A tough burden to bare as the man he constantly tries to measure up to is one of the most legendary warriors in the story.

The second of the two is my favorite character in the story.  Reis is Neutral Evil, meaning a selfish and pragmatic man who would rather just be left alone for the sake of scientific research.  However, Serpentine wants the man dead or captured and the Church decides to make use of his services to defeat the Empire.  The central point of conflict within the series does not come from Serpentine.  No, the major conflict here is whether Kester and Reis can get along long enough to finish their job.

With every good story come at least a couple of problems.  This review is my attempt to be as unbiased as possible while still reminding any who read this that the author and I are in a friendly rivalry.  To that end, I find two things that I think can be improved upon within the next book.  First, sometimes the pacing can go from a good flow to a slow crawl.  The most notable example involves a very deadly forest where I feel the story goes a little too slow.  My second point of contention is that I feel there needs to be a map of some sort to serve as a guide for the geography of this series.  Many locations are referenced in the story, but I was confused about the general shape and flow of the land that Lesser Evil takes place in.  Perhaps I am being nit picky, but I prefer to write honest reviews to the best of my ability.

With that out of the way, lets focus on the good.  As already mentioned, Serpentine is a fantastic antagonist.  Another strong point is the slow trickle that the magic that makes the world so fantastic is introduced.  I am most excited of all to see where Davids takes this idea as the next book begins.  Another strong point is that Lesser Evil does a better job than many other novels I have read  in showcasing and properly using real life military tactics.  Research into these methods helps create a world that is more fleshed out and seems more fantastically realistic if that makes sense.  The strongest point in my opinion is the new way of exploring old themes that are common in fantasy.  Notable examples include an assassin that uses unconventional methods of killing, the importance of alchemy, a massive deconstruction on the black knight archetype, and most importantly, dealing with some very vital real world issues.  I cannot say which ones without spoiling a few surprises.

All in all, I feel that this was a great debut novel for P. F. Davids and a look forward to reading the next book in the series.  I am eager to see how the rest of this series is developed, with the characters that I like most, notably Reis, hopefully leading the way.

Love is Easy, Hate Takes Courage

Love love, love
That's what they tell me when I am hurt
By spreading light, I am light
That releasing positive energy leads to happiness
By not destroying  the real me

Forgive, forgive, forgive
That's what they tell me when I am wronged
By being the bigger man, I am a bigger person
That letting things go leads to happiness
By not letting my past haunt me

Forget, forget, forget
That's what they tell me when I refuse
By letting my grudges go, I let pain go
That holding no negativity leads to happiness
By not letting my enemies control me

Ignore, ignore, ignore
That's what they tell me when I feel attacked
by not responding, I am responding
That not acting out leads to happiness
By not reacting to darker me

React, react, react
That's what I tell me when I feel attacked
By responding, I am responding
That by acting out leads to happiness
By reacting to darker me

Grudge, grudge, grudge
That's what I tell me when I refuse
By holding my grudges, I let pain go
That holding negativity leads to happiness
By letting me control my enemies

Was, Was, Was
That's what I tell me when I am wronged
By being the honest with myself, I am a bigger person
That not letting things go leads to happiness
By letting my past haunt me.

Hate, hate, hate
That's what I tell me when I am hurt
By spreading Darkness, I am light
That releasing negative energy leads to happiness
By not destroying  the real me

Which is truly easy?
What is really difficult?
Is love which is supported by everyone the world over
Or hatred condemned by the human race

Is it easier to go against all recommendation
Or to embrace the reality of your life.
What if denial is easy?
But acceptance is difficult?

To this end I continue on
My mad quest to live life
On my terms and mine alone
No matter how hard the path is

Elfen Lied: Spoiler Free Review

Going back into the darkest depths of Anime, I return to review one of my favorites.

Elfen Lied has one of my favorite introductions of any Anime.  With an opening that oozes with symbolism while biblical passages are sung in Latin creates a truly amazing and surreal atmosphere.  Then the anime begins.

Elfen Lied pulls no punches.  Within the first five minutes of the first episode, there is already a very large body count.  Courtesy of one of the main characters going on a rampage. Alongside Yuno Gesai in Future Diary, Lucy from this anime is one of the more notable Yanderes that I am aware of meaning that in general there is a lot of unstoppable rage and violence.

It is an understatement to say that Elfen Lied would be better called "Everyone Needs a Hug" as this psychological thriller reveals itself. While my greatest criticism of the Anime is that it stops halfway through, forcing one to read the Manga to get the full story,  for what is provided it is among the best.

An emotional roller coaster ride is Elfen Lied and its nonstop from beginning to end as this story explores what it means to be human and showcases the values of friendship, betrayal, hatred, and despair in equal measure.

Also there is a beach.  Attacking girls with unusual hair colors on said beach is ill advised.

I highly recommend this Anime, and recommend even more to read the Manga it is based off of.

Space Dandy: A Spoiler Free Review

Space Dandy Review is a Review Dandy in Space.  Taking a slight break from the media I typically consume, I stumbled upon a much more lighthearted Anime.  This one comes off as a parody of Cowboy Beebop which rarely takes itself seriously.  It is notable that at the time of writing this blog post, one of my roommates considers Space Dandy to be himself in Anime Form.

What happens in this Anime is really too bizarre to truly write down in review form without spoiling things, but one of the best parts of Space Dandy is watching the Anime all the way through and then watching the show a second time once you understand everything.  There is a reason I pointed out that it only "mostly" does not take itself seriously.

Space Dandy's protagonist is the character by the same name and the story follows the many adventures he partakes to find and document rare aliens that have yet to be found out in space.  Since Space is an Ocean is in full effect here, the party is hunted by an Imperialistic organization known as the Gogol Empire that have some nefarious purpose in mind. Space Dandy does not know that they have an interest in him.

Supported by his crew mates Q.T. and Meow (who is really just a leeching stowaway), the three go on adventures while taking breaks at the restaurant "Boobies" better known as "Space Hooters". Laughs are plenty and the action is better than I had originally expected.  Keep watching as you enjoy the comedy as there are some really powerful symbols played around with in the story.

All in all, Space Dandy was just the Anime I needed to recover from the procession of Dark Anime I had consumed leading up until it.  However, the break ended and so the next couple reviews will be of the sort of Anime you would expect of me.

Also, my review of P.F. Davids' Lesser Evil will be coming soon.  Stay tuned for that.

Future Diary: Spoiler Free Review

I have fallen very very very far behind on these reviews to the point where its gonna take some rapid fire skills to catch up.  I watched Future Diary months ago and needed to properly review the story for the sake of this review.

With that in mind, lets delve into the Anime that is made most famous by the Queen of Yanderes: Yuno Gasai.

Future Diary is a Battle Royale Style anime where 12 individuals have been chosen to fight it out.  The winner gets to be God. But as mentioned above, its a certain girl with pink hair that really makes Future Diary stand out.

First off, I should define what a Yandere is.  This is a character type that is commonly associated with women in stories but not limited to that gender.  These types of characters are most well known for their psychotic obsession with their love interest.  Saying that they will let nothing, and I mean nothing get between them and their love interest is an understatement.  Another person speaks to their beloved?  Nothing a knife to the gut will not solve. Their love interest is in danger?  Time to break out the axe.  Their foolish love can't take care of themselves?  Better drug them and hold them hostage.

With that in mind, while Yuki Amano is the true main character of the story, Yuno is the one that is meant to be watched.  Her psychotic rampages and her very large body count are the reason I enjoyed this anime so much.  Add onto the fact that despite everything pointed out until now, and she is still one of the most sympathetic characters.

Speaking of other characters, lets talk about Minene, also known as Ninth in the anime.  If one mentioned Future Diary and are not talking about Yuno, its very likely this is the next most likely character to be brought up.  Without getting into spoilers, despite being a mad bomber terrorist who kills children in a school in her first appearance, Minene is one of the most sympathetic characters in the entire Anime.  Take from that what you will.

All in all, as Future Diary is among my favorite Anime at the time of this blog post, I would highly recommend it to an onlooker. With plot twists that constantly outdo themselves, ideas about the meaning of existence that kept me up at night, and an unforgettable cast this Anime never fails to deliver from beginning to end.  Equal parts romance, battle royale, and political intrigue.  There is something for everyone when experiencing Future Diary.

Dark Rebirth

What is it that drives a person to evil
That forbidden fruit we are warned to avoid
but still grasp all to readily

What is it that drives a person to inflict pain
That ultimate sensual experience
that presses negative energy onto another

What is it that drives a soul to turn dark
That perversion of light
that blackens the very essence of hope

A desire springs from a seed
trying  desperately to grow
reaching towards the sun.

but finds its way blocked.
trapped in the shadow of a tree
light refuses to nurture life

feeding on itself
the shadows grow
gnawing, begging for more

The plant lusts for energy
Surly its need can be sated
if only it could have a little more

The plant becomes a glutton
feeding on its surroundings
growing ever bloated

The plant grows envious of the tree
the dead ground nearby exhausted
it siphons food from its rival.

The plant is greedy
Feeding on the soil of the tree too long
Its rival begins to wither.

The plant becomes slothful
Gorged on food it needs rest
leaving its neighbor to die

The plant gains wrath
The rotting tree drops a dying branch from above
the demise follows soon after

The plant is filled with pride
It has won out over its neighbor
And sunlight belongs to it.

Many years grow by
the desire plant is now a tree
surrounded by grey dead soil

Twisting deep beneath the ground
searching for more food
and finds it through destruction

Desire is always hungry for more
it is never sated
dreams are a poor excuse for fuel

The fruit drives a person to evil
We choose to accept it
because if we do not, another will

A sensual experience drives a person to inflict pain
We choose to accept it
because if we do not, another will

We pervert our own souls
Hope is only a minor setback
because if we do not, another will

When one is born into this world
They choose between eating or being eaten
Inflicting harm, or being harmed

Do we desire to live so much
That others must die
so that we may thrive

Are we born into evil
or do we choose to accept it
as a result of advanced instinct

Writing a Story and Breaking Writer's Block

There are many things to consider when one decides to write a story.  All of these things can seem overwhelming too.  Where should I start? What direction do I take? What do I create?  Why will the reader care about this story? Should they care about this story?

By no means are any of the above the most important questions to ask.  I'll admit, they were just the first to come to mind. However, every one of the problems listed above have a few things in common with one another.

First, every one of those questions has a string of complex answers.  None of the above will have a solution that is a one size fits all situation. In this same vein, sometimes, as will be discussed a little further down, these types of questions, and the form of contemplation are not worth exploring at least initially.

Second, and most importantly, letting oneself get bogged down in these questions creates a very oppressive form of writers block. For those unfamiliar with the term, writers block is essentially being unable to write for a whole host of reasons.  It can also apply to a person being unable to know how to proceed with their writing. And since there are so many different ways that writers block can manifest, it is wise to avoid as many of the factors that cause it as possible.

As a published author in my own right, I have decided to share some of the information that has helped me write and escape the confines of my own blocks.  I hope this to be helpful for writers of all levels.

First and foremost, and this cannot be stressed enough, the most important part of writing a story is to write.  I know, it is a crazy concept correct? But the most noticeable side effect of writers block is the inability to write so I cannot stress this important strategy enough. For those who have trouble writing down their ideas because they fear of lack of coherency, my advice is to use the powerful tools given by computers and spell checkers.  Put whatever words come to mind in the word document, google doc or whatever equivalent you are making use of. SAVE OFTEN! Few things are as destructive to writing compared to a couple hours of work completely lost.

Next, should you feel lost, and need more inspiration, the wonderful, and all mighty power of the internet is near limitless fuel for imagination. Literacy and technology intersect at every corner within this realm.  There are novels of every genre to consume for examples of what works and what does not in a story, and past that, we have incredibly detailed wiki website for just about every story on the face of the planet.

The next thing I will discuss deserves a paragraph in its own right.  There are Wiki pages for stories, and then there is Tvtropes.  This website has so many tools at the fingertips of writers, that words cannot even properly express how helpful this page has been in my own writing process.  Need help constructing characters?  Pages for that on here.  Need to ensure that an idea you have has not been done hundreds of times already? Plenty of pages for that too!  Seriously, no matter how many times I repeat it, I cannot stress enough how important this very specific website has been in my own writing process, especially in the vein of writers block.

One final aspect that is equally important to writing, and goes into the same vein as above, make sure to read as well as write.  Literacy is required for writing.  It is called literature for that very reason.  I was once told that "for every hour you write, you should read two" and it is true.  Remember that reading on the internet, or listening to music is as much consuming literacy as reading a book.  With that in mind, the number of ideas hat exist to help with the writing process is limitless.

But for those who need one final push, there is one final strategy that can make use of all the concepts outlined above. A handy stopwatch can help a writer to commit to putting their ideas down on the page. Whether through a phone, or a literal alarm timer, doing work in short spurts can help ease the load and overwhelming feelings that are associated with writing.  This final step can help those struggling to crush their writers block run over the mountain to find the downhill slope on the other side.

Final Fantasy 15 Review (Post Chapter 9)

This is my second half of the Final Fantasy Review and starts with chapter 9 and beyond.  This is the phase known by the fanbase as the section where the game completely falls apart.  A sentiment I now agree with.

I had some serious problems with the plot of this game, but with the open world nature of the first half of the game, I was willing to ignore this major flaw.  But with the second half of the game really focusing on plot, now I was forced to come to terms with Final Fantasy 15's biggest weakness. 

Minus the big four main characters, a couple supporting leads, and the main antagonist, I did not care about any of the characters.  Chapter 9 is where this begins to really hold the game back.  As major deaths of characters starts to happen, I felt... nothing from their painful ends.  Perhaps I am spoiled by powerful plots with characters that really speak to me on an emotional level, but I really could care less about most of the characters in the plot.  As a result, their deaths don't matter to me much.

Worse is what happens when the open world aspect suddenly ends, and the game is literally railroaded.  There are a few good parts in this segment, though the twists require a little bit of suspension of disbelief.  There was one notable part of the game that I really did enjoy and it comes at odds with most of the fan base.

Chapter 13, hailed by almost everyone as the worst part of the game was actually one of my favorite segments.  Sure the plot was still weak, and a villain that most of the time I liked, decided to act even more hammy than usual as I stealthed through his base.  Without mentioning specifics, just know that lots of people hate this part of the game due to the drastic changes in gameplay.  Suddenly Noct is the main character of a survival horror game with jump scares a plenty, and none of his weapons save the Ring of Luci which is an item that I only recently figured out how to use properly.

The part of the game that really pissed me off and really showed me why the games ending segments are getting so much hate is what occurs right after Chapter 13 ends.  Once again avoiding spoilers, Square had a chance to effectively double the main game in both scope and size, and decided not to. 

With an ending that was very obviously rushed, I was very disappointed in the second half of the game. There was a chance to follow in the footsteps of Final Fantasy 6, my favorite video game of all time, and this did not deliver.  So while I am getting a chance to enjoy the bonus dungeons, this is not one of the best games in the series which is a shame because this game was stuck in development hell for so long. 

With Square hopefully realizing what they did wrong with this game, perhaps the next game in the series will remedy the decreasing faith I have in the Final Fantasy Series of late.

Romasanta Father of Werewolves: Review

Whoa boy, this was an incredible read.

After Reviewing the first book in the Cedric Series, I jumped right into this one, and continued to dive until the end, cause it really enjoyed it that much.

This novel showcases a world where fantasy, myth, and a bit of magic collide.  But unlike the first book in the series which focuses on the lives of two increasingly important characters, Romasanta focuses on the titular Werewolf who has a much larger impact on the world than Cedric.

From humble beginnings as a farmer that leads to an incredible bad string of luck, Romasanta finds himself sharing his body with Fenrir the great wolf, and finds himself on a quest for revenge against Merlin, the man who made him this way.  Alas, Romasanta's bad luck does not stop, or even start there.  On a quest to reunite with the woman he loves, this poor man becomes the most powerful of all Werewolves.  Also due to the fact that Vampires are a mutation of the Werewolf curse, he is the master of their race as well.

With an action packed adventure, cunning Demons (Like Lilith who never fails to disappoint in this book) and an extremely manipulative sibling, I could not put this book down from start to end.  It certainly helps that I am a sucker for seeing prior events with more puzzle pieces revealed.  For those who have read Cedric the Demonic Knight, this book offers more insight into those same events and one can really see the scope and intrigue that Cedric failed to notice while he was strung along in the previous book.

All in all, this book addresses some key ideas such as what love means as well as how one is and is not human. The emotional impact is a nonstop experience and I highly recommend this novel to just about anyone.  The romance that I tried to avoid a bit more in the first book did not distract at all in this sequel.  The high fantasy elements are, of course, my preferred draw in this novel, but there is something to find for everyone within its pages.

I cannot wait for "Oracle" which will be the next book.

Hellsing Ultimate: Spoiler Free Review

Now that I finally have some time to blog again, I will be doing a series of reviews for medium I have consumed in the last few months.  For today, lets talk about Hellsing Ultimate: Starring one of Anime's most iconic antiheroes: Alucard.

This is a fairly graphic Anime which should be obvious since its a Vampire gore story.  But I was ready for this jump in scenery gorn after watching Madoka Magica. Also, I am proud of my extensive studies on the different forms of Christianity and Vampire myths, which allowed me to really appreciate the Anime for what it truly is.

In a world where the only defense against Vampires are rotten militant churches, it makes sense that Alucard who would be a villain in just about any other setting is the protagonist of this incredibly crapsack world.  And with Antivillains such as Anderson from the Catholic Church, who needs friends anyway?

With an interesting cast of characters including the utterly ruthless Integra, the mostly sympathetic Seras (Draculina), the bad ass battle butler Walter, the already mentioned Anderson, some Wacky Nazis, and an entire host of psycho Vampires with an even crazier combination of powers.

From beginning to end, the action is pretty awesome especially when the blood and gore really take off. There are certain scenes that I cannot mention without spoilers that really held my interest, and I recommend for those of you who have not watched it, to see them for yourself.

The abridged version of this Anime is quite entertaining, but it still does not beat out, the original show.

Final Fantasy 15 Review Part 1 (Pre Chapter 9)

Here is my general review of the first half of Final Fantasy 15.  I'll avoid spoilers to the best of my ability.  This is focused on the more open world section of the game which encompass what fans have hailed as the better half of the game.

I have completed almost of the possible content that I am able to complete before post game. Clearing Costlemark Tower was quite a challenge but one I enjoyed greatly, but unfortunately since the dungeon is harder than everything in the main story, I will be crushing most of the main bosses.  This is nothing new to me as I suffered a similar problem in Final Fantasy 6 and 5 where over leveled character create lots of dead bosses.

So far, there are two major problems I have with Final Fantasy 15.

The first is that, for all its flashy elements and customization, magic in 15 just seems so, lacking. As mentioned in an earlier blog post, Final Fantasy 6 is my gold standard when it comes to this series. And the magic in that game is exactly what this one lacks.  Notably, I want my Ultima Spell.  For those who do not know, Ultima is a spell that ignores defense and elemental attributes and almost always hits max damage if it does not just break the damage limit instead.  Especially with annoying enemies like Black Flans and Red Giants in 15, Ultima would be a welcome addition to killing them much faster.  Its not that these enemies are dangerous per say, but because they resist everything, they take a disproportionate amount of time to kill.

The second problem is also a comparison to Final Fantasy 6.  Besides the main four characters, a couple villains (Arden) and a few of the supporting characters like Cid, Iris, and Arenea, I don't care about any of the characters of the plot. I find Luna so far to be a boring and one dimensional messiah archetype character. The romance between her and Noct does not feel real.  I understand this whole subplot is an arranged marriage but the whole game constantly tells the player that the two do care about each other.

All in all, the game seems to favor exploration more than story, which is fine, but Final Fantasy is a series that is supposed to have a compelling story.  I have felt the spirit of the series wane starting with Final Fantasy 12, and got worse with 13. 15 feels like it has a better plot than 12 so far, but since the story part of the game begins after the point I am currently at, it shall be seen if this game lives up to 6 which is consider the best game in the series if not the best game of all time.

Cedric the Demonic Knight: Review

As a writer, it is my great pleasure to review the novel of a fellow local author.  Cedric the Demonic Knight is a story that weaves an assortment of fantastic myths and mythology into a pretty spectacular Fantasy Kitchen Sink. For those unfamiliar with such a term, it basically means that think of a creature or idea that one would expect to find in fantasy and you can be sure it will appear in some form within the pages of this novel.

The novel begins with a very cynical knight in sour armor named Cedric who is on a quest of vengeance.  Created by the Sorceress Morrighan to be a powerful minion, The Demonic Knight decided to choose his own path.  In his quest of revenge, he meets a young woman named Angeline that is descended from a powerful linage.  As Cedric is strangled by red string, his duel bloodlines come into conflict.  As a Half Vampire, Half Incubus, Cedric deals with both psychological and physical danger as he pursues his mission.  

His growing love for this woman begins to interfere with Cedric's goals and the story continues along as monsters attack, romance blossoms, and unexpected conflicts appear.  Although I am not a big fan of romance stories normally, this story gets it right.  With equal parts character building and action scenes, the intensity does not waver, nor do the love elements distract from the narrative.  In fact, watching Cedric grow is my favorite aspect of the novel.

As a writer who includes the myths of Demons frequently, I was very intrigued by this story's rendition of Lilith.  A fun spin on the Queen Succubus, especially in the more... ahem... blood filled moments. Though this version of Lilith is historically accurate, and was done perfectly, she did not manage to be my favorite character, despite the obvious author appeal should one read my own work. Instead, there was another who managed to be the character I wanted to watch the most.

I refer to Romasanta the Father of Werewolves.  From the moment I met this character, I paid close attention.  Being the first character to really humble the protagonists has its advantage.  The fact that this Father of Werewolves was so connected in the world intrigued me very much.  Making a deal with Cedric to accomplish his goals while clearly having an agenda sealed the deal.

As Cedric the Demonic Knight reaches its conclusion, plenty of surprises occur, but if I was to tell you them, I fear you might not read the book and experience them for yourself.  All an all, Cedric the Demonic Knight was a fantastic read and a great first addition to what appears to be a longer series.  

As Romasanta Father of Werewolves is the second book, I gleefully bought the story after finishing this one.  I'll be reviewing that novel once I complete it. After all, Willis has a large world to showcase, and this review does not do her incredible imagination justice.  I highly recommend this novel to both fans of romance and fantasy alike.

Using Darkness to Change the World

Writing and I have had a fairly symbiotic relationship since I was very young.  I am one of those weird children who enjoyed writing far more than reading at first.  I discovered as I grew older that the reason behind this was as a result of me being both bored and disillusioned by what I was forced to read in school.

The first major hallmark that marked the start of a permanent and vital shift in my writing career was a gift given by my grandmother.  And on that day, she gave me a piece of advice that I have never forgotten: “Ross, it’s not that you hate reading.  But that you are reading the wrong stuff.” I was thus handed the Hobbit.  My love for fantasy had begun.

My grandma once again exceeded my expectations and not only got me dead set on the Hobbit, but Harry Potter as well, ensuring that I was one of the children that JK Rowling intended to grow up with the books.  I was an oddity in that I read the Lord of the Rings books between the different Harry Potter novels. My next turning point was with Fellowship of the Ring.

The Hobbit was a novel I had enjoyed greatly.  But one part of the story was considerably more liked, especially in regards to my imagination than the rest. The dark forest of Mirkwood, which was home to giant spiders, toxic water, and a darkness that was magical in nature had me spellbound.  It was a locale unlike anything I had ever seen, and to this day is still a favored setting in my writing.  Most important about Mirkwood though, was the Necromancer that had made it that way.

When I read the word Necromancer for the first time, I immediately looked up the meaning. Spellcasters who summon Undead as their servants.  A concept that is to this day a favorite of mine. The other meaning of Necromancer refers to an incredibly evil wizard.  This second definition became more important as I read Lord of the Rings.  For anyone who knows the story, realizes I had discovered Sauron himself and became fixated on him. But the start of Lord of the Rings is when the writing I began soon after began to take root.

Near the beginning of Fellowship, an encounter with a horrific monster, specifically Khamul, second in command of the Nazgul, better known as the Ringwraiths caught my attention.  This was a warning that would usher in my age of Dark Fantasy.  The concept, known as Cerubus Syndrome, is when an incredibly dangerous character appears in a story to warn the reader that terrible things are about to happen. And Khamul was the Knight of Cerubus, bringing in darkness as only a being like him can, on his zombie horse.

I happened to read the third Harry Potter book soon after I finished Fellowship of the Ring, and the Dementors coincidently first appeared in this novel.  Like the Ringwraiths, I immediately fell in love with these creatures of darkness, and misery. I even caught that Dementors drew inspiration from the Nazgul.

Unfortunately, I finished both serieses, and was left wanting. Lord of the Rings was written by a pacifist, so while the movies made the fight scenes absolutely amazing, the books did quite the opposite.  Harry Potter suffered from a different problem.  The magic was too basic.  After getting into Dungeons and Dragons and seeing what fantastic magic was capable of, Harry Potter just felt… empty.  Minus the Imperius Curse and Fiend Fire, I felt like the magic in that universe was, for lack of a better term, weak.

It was at this time, that three very important events occurred in very close time frames.  September 11th, 2001 happened, and my cynicism that is prevalent in my personality began to take root. Second, my other grandmother bought me a video game called Tales of Symphonia that forever changed my life. After the lies I discovered about America thanks to watching our country get attacked by terrorism, my imagination was ripe to plunder by the video game.  With themes not limited to, fantastic racism, corrupt churches, evil angels, justified villains, and incredibly psychologically scarred heroes, it was just the story I needed.  The final piece was the novel Eragon. While the story does get criticized a lot, two major aspects of this series were what I needed, to finally break free of the shackles holding me back, and start writing my own stories. Not only was the author very young, but the magic in that universe was exactly what I had been looking for.  Magic with a deadly price to pay if used incorrectly, and capable of doing incredible feats such as altering memories, stealing souls, and wiping out cities faster than military carpet bombing, I finally had the foundation to write the story I always wanted as a child.

The story that would eventually become The Search For Eden Series began as I entered high school and just like with Harry Potter, the story got more grim as I got older. What began as a lighthearted adventure, turned into a deconstruction that has incorporated Demons, Undead, Eldritch Abominations, and the evil that lurks in the hearts of men.

High school also marked another video game entering my imagination, completing the cycle of darkness that had begun with Lord of the Rings.  Final Fantasy 6, is a game that deals with the psychological torment and recovery of an entire planet.  In a plot that is very terrifying considering the modern world, a killer clown becomes the general of the most powerful army in the world. The fascist empire that he commands the troops of seeks world domination, but in the end, the clown wins out even over them.  He kills the emperor and becomes G-d due to a magical artifact that conveniently (or inconveniently) chose to appear at that moment. As a result, Kefka, who already was deranged, even for a clown, destroyed the entire world. That's the halfway point of the game by the way.  For the next year in the game, Kefka recreates the world as a monument to death, destruction, and nihilism.  By the time he is finally stopped, the killer clown G-d has committed complete genocide against every single magical being in universe and driven 90 percent of the human race to suicide.

To say that Final Fantasy 6 is my favorite video game is an understatement.  Finally, I had found a medium in fiction that told a story as dark as the one I had begun to write of my own free will.  And considering that this game is hailed as among the best video games ever made, I was renewed in hope that my story ideas were not only good, but potentially award winning with enough work.

College came and I had continued to write stories, while realizing that the timeline needed to be shifted farther and farther back within the universe I was weaving.  Finally, I settled upon a starting point.  At the same time, I became the target of a brutal cyber bully campaign in real life.  After a year and a half of being psychologically tortured to a degree that the average character in the stories I had been obsessing over a good portion of my life could match, I finally had the emotional input to really bring my story, the most important story of my life, into reality.  

With the voice I had sought, though not from the source it was given, the novel named “The End of Utopia” was born.  Within the last year I finished this book, and the anthology that allows a reader to peer into the depths I created was spawned soon after. The second of these two books is published, and this marked a major hallmark and achievement for me.  After a life so scarred by betrayal, it was a nice change of pace to have some positivity in my life.

Looking forward, I have at least another year of college to go, and have been exploring another outlet for my writing.  Especially with the political upheaval I found that my skills were needed in another area,  and thus dove into the dark cesspool of political theatre.  I have already written much in both fiction and reportive to the end of speaking on politics, but now my voice has much more importance.  And after everything I have suffered through, I can handle the backlash and criticism that I was most certainly be receiving for voicing my opinion.This is where the readings from Writing, Literacy, and Technology come into play.  My ideas have been along railroad tracks, but this class is a station of sorts.  A chance for me to gain new information that can be reflected in my dark fantasy writing, which also comes into play in my political posts.  For one realizes that to truly appreciate dark fantasy as a genre, they must be willing to deal with the stark and very dangerous realities of the world.

Poem of Pillars

When one gains power in the world, they can dictate the social norms of society.

To gain that power requires the leadership of something that is seen as more than just a simple human.

To gain that leadership requires the purpose of an individual who is above and beyond the norm.

One does not simply become what I aspire to.

Instead, their entire life must go through fire and water.

And only when it survives with each and every scar gained on the path can one know true greatness.

But beware the darkness of failure, of sleep, of apathy.

The seductive beckon of an easy path leads to a difficult fall.

Of which it becomes increasingly harder to rise up from.

Until all that remains is an altar of abandoned dreams.

An Honest Review of Myself

Thanks to a really intriguing class prompt, I got to do some self reflection.

My top ten list would be:

Power

Leadership

Purpose

Influence

Freedom

Security

Courage

Wealth

Truth

Introspection

To the surprise of no one, I am an ENTJ: The commander.  I have taken the Meyers Briggs Test 200 times now and gotten this result 199 times.  I can feel assured that this truly is my personality type. (the one time I was not ENTJ, I got ENTP) Anyway, the ENTJ wants power because of a need to be a leader in society.  I have never been satisfied with a desk job, or to be an underling.  This is a trait common with my personality type.  The double edged sword of ENTJ is that we can come off incredibly cold due to our ruthlessness.  I am certainly one who will pursue my goals at any cost. I am willing to shove people out of the way, both figuratively and literally, who get in my way.  This can also cause a problem with relationship building.  Other people can see this ruthlessness as a sense of not caring.  A person who does not contribute to my life tends to be discarded.  I do not do this out of malice, but simply because I have major ambitions and cannot afford to be slowed down.  Instead I surround myself with people who can help me reach my goal.

My upbringing, for good or ill has helped me develop a large set of skills that have been very beneficial.  A combination of pride and drive ensure that when I set my mind on a goal, it gets accomplished.  I will move heaven and hell itself if it gets in my way (and have done so on a few occasions) This also means that I can move past intense pain, both physical and mental.  i don't let the screams emanating from my body get in my way when I have a task to complete.  It how I have completed things such as Tough Mudder and Master of All Terrain. And because I refuse to give up, I do not slam my head against a wall in insanity, but instead, use the fact that I am really crazy to find a new path.  If I get trapped in a maze, I'll break out the figurative flamethrower and create my own path to the goal.  

Unfortunately taking myself this seriously can have some drawbacks.  I do not take failure lightly and beat myself up over the simplest of things.  My own personal negative reinforcement to ensure I do not screw up again.  This has been taken to some extreme levels that I am not proud of.  There are times in my life where I willingly let my pay at work get docked because I knew I had screwed up.  There are also times in my life where I willingly starved myself as punishment for not making enough money.  I willingly made myself homeless for a month as punishment for not finding a place to live faster.  And in all these cases, I resigned myself to this fate to ensure that I would not fail again.  This may appear to be in conflict with the above of never giving up.  But this is not giving up, so much as reminding myself what the price of failure is.  And as power above all else to protect myself is my goal, I can afford nothing less than absolute success.

Re blogged Post from a class

Below is what I wrote in response to a prompt in a Civics Class about an issue I care about greatly. And on this Martin Luther King Day, I decided to share it with the rest of you.

Although I already participate in the conversation about the Israeli Palestinian Conflict, I have a voice that is rarely heard in this discussion.  And since the talking points that I bring to the table are not only unusual but break an entire host of convections that are assumed about this issue I think my voice needs to be heard.  Although the news loves to focus on this little region in the Middle East (despite places like Syria being much more trouble ridden places, but that's a different topic) its quite difficult to find anything that actually speaks objectively on the problems that plague the region.  

Most troublesome is the fact that Israel, Gaza, and Judea Samaria also known as the West Bank are all governed by different social rules that makes it near impossible for this to occur.  Israel has similar rules of media to the United States which is why it tends to get criticized the most of the three areas. This could be argued as a downside of Democratically Elected Government.  

Not far behind in being criticized, but usually by the opposing viewpoint  is Gaza.  Gaza is ruled with an iron fist by Hamas which has been labeled a terrorist group by much of the international community.  The confusion lies in some groups believing that since Hamas was elected by the people that their actions are either justified or not so justified depending on who you ask, but others will say their actions are not justified regardless of how the group came into power.  More problematic is the fact that rockets are fired into Israel from Gaza at a frequent enough rate that Israelis treat these attacks the way we do a hurricane or tornado in the United States.   But that's not really what the point of contention of the attacks is.  The debates become whether the rockets actually pose a threat, versus being defined as a crime against humanity for each one fired according to international law.  As you can see, this debate has such vast gaps in points of view.

But still I have not talked about Judea Samaria also known as the West Bank, where even the name you choose to call this region is a form of bias.  This is the part of the region which seems to be the most black and white and I cannot even discuss what I know of this part of the world without bringing personal bias into the post.  What I will say is that the region is split into three types of areas.  Ones where Israel controls everything, zones where both Palestinians and Israelis control things together, and places where Palestinians have complete control of the region.  Due to the different types of laws in each of those zones, it is not unusual for the words Apartheid to be brought up in regards to this region, nor the discussion of settlements built by Israelis in places where they do or do not have the right to build them.  This is by far the most complex part of the conflict, most notably because Jerusalem the capital of Israel (oh by the way, calling it so is a bias, but one that I am willing to make) is partially within the region. (How much of it is or is not is also a point of contention)  

Fun fact before I continue.  Me choosing to acknowledge the country as Israel, rather than call it Palestine is considered a form of bias. Which leads me to believe that this entire conflict was structured to intentionally be biased.  More on that in a bit.

I was introduced to this issue growing up in a Jewish household, but surprisingly I was not immediately biased towards the Israeli side of the conversation due to the people who had already chosen sides in the discussion.  This led to some confusion growing up that continues forward to this day.

This confusion is led by the groups who have the loudest opinions on the Israeli Palestinian Conflict.  The first of the two confusing groups is the group most supportive of Israel: The extreme Religious Right.  A group that has a history of making Jews go shape of Pear as a hobby in just about any time period in the last 2000 years or so.  And the group most supportive of the Palestinians? The extreme Left, a group that I had always believed had the back of the Jewish People with the whole support of minorities thing and what not.  This was confusing to me until recently when I dug into why these people support what they do.  And sadly, the answers I am finding are so convoluted that I will not be giving them here out of fears of the responses to this post will descend into discussions on conspiracy theories.

What I will say, is that neither of these groups cares at all about the Israelis or the Palestinians. Each one has an agenda that sounds like something out of fantasy, and even with elements of Cosmic Horror Story for added fun. 

I want to say that this speaks to my personal truth out of a desire to better the world, but I would be lying.  The reason I care about this issue is far more primal and base.  Its out of a need for self preservation.  I care about Israel because I know that if I ever become in danger because I am Jewish, there is a safe haven for me.  And if that safe haven is ever destroyed, then I am once again in danger.  And despite people telling me that the Holocaust is a horrific event that will never happen again, the Jews of the 1930s were told similar stories in reference to other past events.  The reality is, that Jews are always in danger.  somewhere in the world there will always be those who want to do us harm because of what we believe.  That goes double for me, being that I am on the Autism Spectrum as well.  Its not as relevant for the Israeli Palestinian conflict, but due to an entire host of genetic and cultural things I have been born with and raised on, I have a figurative target painted on my back, and will do whatever I need to to ensure my own continued existence.  The fact that there are people who are supposed to be my allies who now seem to be making me an enemy is even more concerning than the sentences above.  A concern that is not helped by how I feel about our president elect, especially his Vice President and the next in line Vice President should Donald Trump get impeached or something along those grounds. (but once again, that is another issue entirely)