The "Confederate Flag"

Well I already addressed one of the three major issues that are all abuzz in America right now.  Might as well deal with the other two.

Lets get down to business.  The whole country is debating about whether a certain flag is an infringement of free speech or not depending on whether one can fly it or not.  Instead of going into what is and what is not protected by the first amendment, I'm gonna go into a history lesson.

The flag pictured above is not the Confederate Flag:



Pictured above is the Confederate Flag.  What most people have come to associate as the flag was actually nothing more than a battle standard for rebellion which now a days tends to be used as a racism rally against America.

So as far as where I stand, I say let people fly the wrong confederate flag.  It becomes easier to deal with idiots after all once they have ousted themselves as idiots.

Know your history folks :)


Also pictured above is the only confederate flag that matters.

Gay Rights and Torah

In case you have not heard by now, either due to this not being a big deal to you, or living in a country that is not the United States, or a combination of both these factors, the United States Supreme Court has upheld that all over the country, Humans have the right to love whoever they want, regardless of Sexual Orientation.  Of course this victory is being held down slightly by the very angry religious radicals who as I am devoting this blog post to do, clearly have not read their bibles correctly, else they would see their error.

First lets approach the verse from Leviticus that has enabled such hatred in the name of love:

"A man shall not make love to a man the way he makes love to a woman.  It is an Abomination."

Now, the first thing a person may try to point out is that the sentence I posted is not what is put in the bible.  Sadly for that person, the version they have has been conveniently mistranslated from the original Hebrew.  What I have listed here is the version that is reflected by the Dead Sea Scrolls as well as the Torah that currently is housed in the city of Tzvat.

For those who do not know the significance of these two texts, the two Torahs listed have existed for over 2000 years and 500 years respectively thus aiding to legitimacy of Judaism in general as well as ensuring that the newer texts do not change their wording for Human agendas in the name of a G-d they are not actually faithful to.  I will note here that the modern Torah does not deviate from these ancient texts in more than a 1 percent difference, but I digress.  That point is unnecessary here.

Now, lets look at the sentence itself, so that we may understand what is actually being said here instead of what people take it to mean.

First, it should interest the reader immediately that the word man is chosen instead of a more gender-less word.  Also noted is that there is no sentence referring to the inverse.  Right off the bat, it is obvious that Lesbians are not even noticed in this sentence that allegedly is the basis for all homophobia.  In fact, Lesbian Sex in some stories in the Torah is even encouraged.  The basis for this is due to the nature of ancient Polygamy.  Sex between women was a way in ancient society to curb jealous wives from killing their competition.

Next lets look at the most important part of the first sentence.  The part that has been altered in most translations.  It states here that

"a man may not make love to a man the way he does to a woman."

What does this mean?  Well when two birds love each other much...
Just kidding.  The man sticks his man parts inside the woman parts.  So with this in mind, this would mean that a man should not stick his man parts inside another man's man parts.  Since it would cause intense pain as well as go against most form of geometry for a man's penis to go inside another man's penis, the only way that two men can have sex like a man and a woman would mean in the butt.  Believe it or not, this sentence is a ban on Anal Sex.  Not on Gays in general.

Now why would the Torah forbid Anal Sex of all things?  Probably for the same reason that the Torah commands Jews to wash hands far before we understood what bacteria were:  For health reasons.  Exchange of blood is an easy way to trade blood born pathogens.  These health reasons are a far cry from what the phrase has been used through history:  To justify murder and bigotry.  Both of which are listed as big no nos in the 10 Commandments.

Now lets look at the second sentence:

"It is an Abomination."

Now this sentence looks to be obvious.  By modern definitions, this word means something evil, or something that against all that is good in the world.  But is that what the phrase actually means?  Looking at what this word meant when the Torah was first given to the Jewish people on Sinai tells a different tale.  The word Abomination in ancient terms roughly translates to the word Secular.

Yep that's right.  The full sentence from the Torah could be shortened to say: Do not have anal sex if you are a man because all the non Jews are doing it.  The Torah was a way to ensure the Jews would be better people in a world filled with lots of rotten Humans,  It makes sense that G-d would want the Jews to differentiate themselves from everyone else.

Now lets explore a few more outside the actual text laws that are important to note.  The 10 Commandments themselves outline marriage so its a bit odd that it needs to be said again at a later point in the Torah.  The fact this is added later, while not saying the law is less important, it is not outlined within one of the big ten, instead it is one of the other 603 commandments that are found within the sacred text.

 But if nothing else, ignoring the other counterarguments that are likely to be thrown my way as this post is read, let us not forget one of the greatest rules of Judaism.  Only the Lord above has the right to judge.  Doing so yourself is going against the second of the 10 commandments.  To think that you know better than G-d who has the right to be judged means that you are setting yourself as an equal to the Lord Himself.

http://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/homosexuality-and-halakhah/

http://tbatikkunolam.org/2012/05/22/what-does-the-torah-really-say-about-homosexual-acts/

http://www.reclaimingjudaism.org/teachings/what-does-judaism-have-say-about-homosexuality-jewish-same-sex-marriages-and-ordination

Birthright Adventure Wrap Up

Birthright came to a close.  As I sat in Miami looking around at the world around me, as well as looking into the mirror at the new me that had emerged from this journey, I added to my resolve to create a better me.

When looking at my peers on this trip, I found that I have a lot to work on.  It was not jealousy of their success that I felt.  More it was annoyance at myself for the lack of drive I had utilized to bring myself to where I want to be.

My Wanderlust has been temporarily sated, but now that it has been given a chance to reawaken after almost being starved to death during these long three years, it will not be long before I yearn to travel more.

Israel has shown my just how incredible the wide world I have yet to explore really is.  I will not be content to sit in Orlando working to stay in poverty for long.  I have seen what will happen when I better myself, and to reach those places, I will be making some hard choices ahead.

The Holocaust Museum awakened in me the desire to want a family.  Lacking a girlfriend, much less a wife is of course a major hurdle in this plan.  While these thoughts most of the time tend to drag me down, I have held off worrying about such major problems for a long time.  I will need to overcome my past to reach my future in this regard, and not even my persistent Post Traumatic Stress Disorder will stop me.

People say that you cannot let your past stop you from your future, but if they stuck to this idea, it would render all memories pointless.  Instead learn from your past.  All of your past.  Every minute that goes by becomes that past.  If you regret what you leave behind, move forward to change it.

Birthright Day 9

The second and final Shabbat of Birthright was spent in a Kibbutz not far from Jerusalem.

By this time, I was coming to the realization that my trip was coming to a conclusion, and that real life was just around the corner.  I spent much of the day reflecting what I had learned.  Spent other parts preparing myself for the readjustment to full time work.  I then collected thoughts and reviewed the final lessons given on this Shabbat.

In the morning, we were hosted to a group discussion about modern Israel and the challenges this country faces in a world surrounded by enemies.  We discussed hard truths, and tough lies.  The media, no the entire world, at much of the time does not understand the many many complicated layers of Middle East Politics.

Reflecting on the incredible friends I have made, I smiled, truly at peace knowing that these remarkable men and women have slightly (which is an achievement) given me some hope that not all of Humanity is rotten.  The fact that I, as an Aspie felt safe enough to really be myself on this trip is a testament to their patience and goodness.  These traits are sadly too rare in the human psyche.

Sadly, all things, good and ill, come to an end, and this Birthright trip was now in its final hours.  As Shabbat came to an end, preparations for the long flight ahead were foremost in my thoughts.

Birthright Day 8

Day 8 marked an infinitely more lighthearted day than the darkness that lurked all around the day before.  We explored two different places that reminded us that where there seems to be nothing but emptiness and death, life lurks not far away.

Ein Gedi was our first stop.  Situated in the middle of a vast desert, it does not seem from afar that a tranquil place where all manner of life flourishes lurks just nearby, but life is deceptive.  Entering a larger gate, the Birthright group quickly found ourselves in a lush area of green with beautiful cliffs and roaring waterfalls. 

Not only is this a beautiful place that laughs in the face of normalcy in nature, but the locale has some historic value as well.  Many a story of King David, on the run from the soon to not be King Saul takes place in this lush oasis.  The most predominant of those being when David hid in a cave at the top of a large waterfall.  This waterfall happens to be at the top of the climb our group made while exploring this feat of nature.

The fun did not stop there though, next came one of the most famous locales in Israel:  The Dead Sea.

Now, you would think the Dead Sea would indicate a body of water that holds no value and might even be dangerous to traverse.  All of the following statements are false.  

First off, the Dead Sea is not really even considered water.  Instead it is a solution of various minerals, water, and of course, a high concentration of salt.  The reason the Dead Sea is called such is because the high salt concentration makes life within the water virtually impossible.

That does not mean that life is lacking nearby the water.  The minerals wash up on the shore creating a safe zone of sorts for animals that live in the nearby desert.  These same minerals also have practical uses for humans.  From healing to smoothing out the skin, there are all sorts of spa and health related reasons to visit the Dead Sea.

Most famous of all though, is entering the Dead Sea itself.  I proceed to do so and quickly floated on top of the water.  The solution also touched my skin.  As is famously documented on countless science articles and Facebook statuses everywhere, when the salt touches your body, you will be aware of every single cut, scar, and nick on your body.  In my case, this meant the jellyfish stings that I had gained a few days prior.  Also I would not recommend farting in the Dead Sea.  Don't ask how I know this.

The day of adventures was coming to an end, but Shabbat was just beginning. I used this time to reflect on how my trip had gone so far.  I also began to come to terms with the fact that this amazing experience was coming to an end soon.

Birthright Day 7

The number 7 is seen as divine in Judaism, but I did not feel so as this day completed.  This would soon to prove to be the heaviest and darkest day of the entire Birthright Experience.

As we headed back to Jerusalem, our destination was the Holocaust Museum, and even an ironic interruption of travel due to a police escort where I saw Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu drive past me did not distract me from what I was about to encounter.

Once inside the Museum, the emotions ran high.  I do not wish to document here in text what I saw, for words cannot even begin to describe the feelings I felt within that building.  Emotions that were a combination of despair and fury.  I found myself in tears at times while synonymous clenching my fists in hatred.  My gaze always lingered on Gobbles and Himmler longest of all.

The darkness that gripped me through the day had only just begun to course through my veins though, for there was a second part to the Museum that was far shorter in exploration, but even more powerful to me than the first.  The Children's Memorial.  Inside this area I found a room filled with mirrors that reflected off each other creating the illusion of an infinite corridor.  Within the illusion was added another element.  Candles, burning forever.  While I walked through the eerie room, names upon names were listed.  The memories of the countless children that lost their lives in the Holocaust.  An entire generation eradicated.

The dark part of the day was still not over though, for right nearby the museum stands a cemetery where many of Israel's most prominent heroes find their final rest in this world.  After our tour guide ensured that none of our group happened to be Cohen, we entered the grove where countless heroes find rest.  Not just politicians either, but soldiers are buried here.  Considering that there were 9 Israelis among us who either had served or were currently serving in the Israeli military, this experience was even more emotional to them than to me.

There was one grave site that stood out to me as well as most of the group more than the others.  A lone soldier, or one who moved from another country to fight for the IDF.  This young man paid the ultimate price to defend an idea he believed in.  He also happened to have been a close friend to a few people in the group.  While I had never had the opportunity to meet this American from the west coast, I still shared a moment of silence with my friends who had.

I recall that more events took place later this day, but I was so numb from all the experience up to this point, that I kept to myself for much of the rest of the night in silent reflection for what I had experienced.  I also cried out for the fallen while whispering to myself: "Never again, by any cost."

Birthright Day 6

Day 6 I found myself heading to a place I had long wished to see.  The City of Jerusalem beckoned, and I finally came.  First I got a chance to explore the Old City.  The place was steeped in cultures of the many nations that had risen and fallen within the area of the City.  All it really takes is some digging and you are bound to find history in the Capital of Israel.

Still the greater sight was just ahead.  The Kotel, the Western Wall, the pinnacle of religious sites in Judaism.  I finally after many years awaiting my chance, got to pray at the Wall.  This is the closest that a modern Jew can get to praying at the temple.  I won't lie when I say this was the greatest moment of the trip as far as my religious journey was concerned.  I wrapped Tefilin and prayed at the wall.  I also listened to a Torah Reading at the wall, which seemed to be even more special than normally listening to a reading.  The power of this place cannot be described in words.  You will have to enter this sacred area yourself to truly understand the experience.  Don't take it from me either. Some of my new friends from the trip even got their official Bar and Bat Mitzvahs while in this holy area.

Next the group departed the Old City and I found myself quickly in one of Jerusalem's busy markets.  It really is important for me to point out at this point just how much better the quality of food is in Israel than in the United States.  There is little to no grease in the food and the fresh fruit and veggies  take far longer to spoil than in the United States as well.

The high point of the day came to an end as the night turned to darker topics.  Leading into what was to occur the next day, we spent the night as a group discussing the Holocaust.  This of course is an issue that just about anyone will get emotional about, but to me as someone who has survived more than one form of discrimination that became significantly elevated, I share a very different outlook than most.  The standard response is to avoid conflict and be the bigger person, but I firmly believe that standing and fighting is the only option.  To show deference in my opinion is to already admit defeat.

We got rest and did not go out for a night on the town in preparation for what I would soon discover was to be the heaviest day of the entire trip.

Birthright Day 5

Day 5 began at the Bedouin Tents, but we did not stay there long.  Before the sun had even risen, we were on our way to the next destination.  The mountaintop of Masada.  Looking for a personal challenge, I ran up the mountain with a backpack that I intentionally put weight inside of.  Adding to the challenge was that the entire area including the mountaintop itself is under sea level, in the middle of a desert.

Once at the top of Masada, I watched the sun rise.  And as the burning ball in the sky rose above the surrounding cliffs, the temperature intensified.  This was the one and only time I reached near points where I would have been dehydrated.  Luckily, my exhaustion did not prevent me from seeing the ruins at the top of the mountain that had served as an outpost to countless nations.  I especially felt emotions at the story of the Jews who held out against the Romans before they chose to take their own lives rather than be slaves.

Next, we returned to the Bedouin tents where we were shown all the cool innovations one can create with what we consider garbage here in the United States. I also realized that many of the laws in Florida that pertain to using clean energy are Draconian at best.

We continued doing even more on this very very busy and active day.  Next I got the chance to explore some deep caves within a cluster of mountains.  I would be lying if I did not mention that up until this point, this was my favorite activity of the trip.  Its one thing to travel into caves in a video game or see them in a movie, but to actually enter them myself, that was something very special to me.

As we finally felt tiredness take grip over our minds and bodies, we ended our journey nearby Jerusalem, ready for even more adventures the next day.

Birthright Day 4

Day Four began right where the day before left off; In the middle of Tel Aviv.  After touring the buildings where the modern state of Israel and finding much excitement in the Gay Pride Flags hoisted all over the City, I turned my attention to the second part of this day in Tel Aviv.

I had gotten a chance to get to know a few of the Israelis that had joined the birthright group, but at the beach, I got a much better chance to learn more about them.  I also got introduced to the annoying sting of the jellyfish when I entered the water.  I admit, I deserved the stings after boastfully proclaiming that there was no chance of getting hurt by them.  After finishing the day in the sun, the group got back on the bus and headed south into the desert.

We stayed with the Bedouins in the Judaeo Desert where I learned about how to properly track in the desert.  The man who was instructing the mini course listed animal characteristics that warned of rains.  In the desert, flash floods are deadly, but even in Florida knowing that animals watch for rain and their warning signs are useful tools to have.

After spending a considerable amount of time looking at the night sky without light pollution or any obstruction in the dark and a little bit of self reflection, I went to bed out in the wilderness alongside nature, a soon to be blown fuse, and one very sad male donkey who wanted to be with his female friends.

Birthright Day 3

In contrast to the relaxing mood of day 2, day 3 was fast paced and hectic.

After leaving our hotel, the I headed to Zfat, which I soon discovered is one of the holiest cities in Israel.  Among countless historical places, this city was where the first Rabbi taught all his disciples for the same of saving Judaism.

Another incredible artifact of the city oa the world's oldest Torah.  At 500 Yeats, these ancient scrolls help prove the legitimacy of Judaism.  There is not one difference between this Torah of the past and any modern day 5 Books of Moses.

This Torah is also significant due to its use of the sacred holiday of Shavuot.  After trying some of the cheese in the city, I am convinced that Zfat is THE place to be for this holy of holy days.

After leaving this ancient city, we changed gears and explored another ancient city of historical value.  This one of non Jewish origin.  I speak of Ceasaria.  A place steeped in war and incredible history.

Built as a major port in the time of Rome when it was at its height.  The city has fallen into ruin only to have newer building placed right on top.  This happened countless times creating an archaeological treasure trove.  I took many pictures of the place, but it is hard even to put into words how incredible this place is.  Its one of those explore it for yourself type deals.

Next we changed gears yet again and went to the famously secular Tel Aviv.

A city that wishes to rival the larger United States metropolitan areas.  Tel Aviv feels like Chicago or New York.

I spent time here at night, but exploration during the day will be happening on the next day of birthright.

Birthright Day 2

I have written about keeping the Shabbat before on my blog, but when in Israel, the day of rest takes on a whole new meaning.

In the United States, Friday night through Saturday night is considered the weekend, which for many is still a work day.  In Israel, the entire country basically shuts down.  All the shops close.  All business ceases as everyone spends this 25 hours with their family.  The roads become far quieter.  The whole country rests.

We were educated about the day of rest in the morning, but as I am a frequent attender of Chabbad, I found that much of what was said had already been imparted on to me.  I found it quite interesting that in addition to the guides themselves, many of my new friends on this birthright trip came to me with questions.  Proof that Chabbad really is succeeding in my own life in regards to education.

Just because it happened to be Shabbat did not imply I did nothing but rest though.  This is still a birthright trip.  We took this opportunity to take a shabbat walk around Tibereus.

In addition to seeing the beautiful and quite hilly city, we spent part of the day at the Sea (lake) of Galilee.  The waters are exceptionally clean and clear.  Also there are fish in the water that will clean your feet and legs, assuming you allow them to nibble at your lower body.

After the aquatic experience and another shabbat walk to return to our hotel, we rested for a couple hours before we gathered for Havdalah.  Closing Shabbat in Israel with more than 40 other Jews is a magical experience that I feel empowers the soul.

More journeys are to come.  This trip is only getting started.

Birthright Day 1

Today I spent my first true day in Israel.  Already seeing how amazing the country is, I was still not prepared for the splendor of the north.

First I went Banyas and got very close to the Lebenon border.  The waterfall was a spectacular sight as was the gorge created by the river that eventually becomes part of the Jordan River.

Next we went up to one of the northernmost points in Israel and looked down at the former battlefield of the Yom Kippur War and right past that,I paused for a moment as I saw the war torn country of Syria for the first time with my own eyes.  Even as I looked northward at the troubled country, conflict was errupting on one of the nearby border towns.  I was safe from any danger, but still quite close to it.

Last I got a chance to whitewater raft down the Jordan River.  It was quite a fun experience and also allowed some time to bond with others who have come on this same birthright trip as me.

Tonight Shabbat comes and for the first time I will spend it in the holy land.  Shabbat Shalom.  I will continue to send updates through the rest of the trip.

Israel Birthright Trip: Day 0

Today I embark on the journey of a lifetime.  Today I will be driving south to Miami to catch a plane to the holy land Israel.  My Birthright Trip begins today!

I will be doing my best to chronicle my trip on my blog, and in a perfect world I would write a post for each and every day of the trip.  Unfortunately, I will not be bringing my laptop with me and so will be quite limited in mediums to make use of.

Still, I will not let this minor issue interfere with me informing you all how things went.  Either during or after my journey, I will be sure to write posts to inform you of all the many adventures I embarked on while in Israel.

I pray for a safe journey today and for the rest of the week.  This is an adventure I don't think I will ever forget.

A Divine Moment

As a person of faith, I have come to think that few things in the universe (if any at all) are random chance.  So of course given the incredible situation I found myself today, I stand with this idea

As many of you may or may not know, I will be going to Israel in two days from now as of the writing of the blog post.  All my thoughts are focused on this event, which may or may not be so great since I have to work tomorrow.  Though that point has little relevancy here.

What does matter is the unique situation I ended up in.  Today I casually went to get my hair cut and was in for a fated encounter of the most unusual kind.  The individual who happened to be cutting my hair asked me about my week and since Israel was on my mind I talked about that.

In a turn of a events that could only be fate, I discovered that she was Palestinian.  At first, I was on edge.  I was afraid I had offended by some of my statements.  After figuring out that I had not done so, I proceeded to converse.  I was admittedly quite pleased by the enlightening conversation I had with her.

We talked about our beliefs.  The rights the wrongs, and gladly I discovered that like myself, she understood that the whole conflict was just a proxy for even bigger issues in the world at large.  Quite excited for this rare chance at a probably much needed conversation, I left the locale enlightened.

As I go to the Holy Land this week, I feel that I must remember that there is a difference between a terrorist and a person in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Most people regardless of their beliefs just want to live their lives in peace.  While the bad eggs will try and ruin this for everyone else, I feel that Hashem ensured I would have this chance encounter to remind me of Humanity itself before I embarked on this journey.

Soon I will see the land of Israel for myself, and when I do, I will be sure to document my experience for you all.

Trying League Yet Again

MOBAS are an unusual game.  People spends hours day after day getting better at the games but they also must contend with teammates who may or may not also be doing the same thing.  This of course as the games have become famous for at this point, leads to toxic gaming communities.

As a result of this negativity, I refuse to play MOBAS solo.  I have enough stress in my life as it is.  I do not need to add the extra strain of being yelled at and called obscenities by a person I am likely to never meet.  even worse, from behind a computer, people are far more willing to be nasty in general.

Of course, as most of my friends are part of this first group where they play many hours a day to constantly improve, it is quit difficult for me to play with them.  My skill level is significantly lower than theirs to the point where the chance of them losing as a direct result of me being there are much greater.

For those of you who are not familiar with League of Legends, without having to elaborate into how the game works, just know that it is far more significant to have one really bad player on the team than to have one really good player.  A good player can only do so much and usually cannot win a game on their own.  One bad player can almost guarantee the other team will win.  All they have to do is beat up on this one player until they are stronger than their enemy and then win the game.

Even worse, there are actually players that prey on this individual.  There are forums within the community where people discuss ways to raise their own rank.  One of the most common tactics given is that when a game begins, look for the person who has lost the most games recently and pick on that one player.  Causing this player to freak out can at times secure a win.

As I am the weakest on any team I play on with friends, I thus become this person who is singled out.  Any of you who have played League or Dota with me have probably watched as players will go out of their way to kill me.  I have a suspicion that this plays a large role in that.

Since I am constantly picked on in games and the result is that my friends lose, I become reluctant to play the game with them,  If my only alternative is to go in to the incredibly hostile environment of solo queue, it will be quite tough for me to admittedly enjoy this game.

Best Wishes to My Brother

I know I am late as your birthday was yesterday, but I wanted to take some time to wish my Brother Scott a Happy Birthday.

I know we don't talk as much as we used to. But that's inevitable when we live more than 12 hours from each other and both of us have quite busy lives.  Still, I remember that for quite a few years, our relationship was very strained. After seeing you a couple months back, I really want to have a more consistent relationship with you.

I know I have not been the best big brother all the time.  setting a poor example as we became teens.  Throwing temper tantrums over video games, making my problems everyone's problems.  This is hardly how I should have acted.  I understand why for some time, you wanted to have nothing to do with me.

Still as your birthday was yesterday, I was thinking about you.  I would like to have a more brother connection with you as we grow older.  We may be far away, but from what I saw when I was with you in Carbondale, we still are more alike than either of us would like to admit.

I hope you had a fantastic birthday yesterday.  Wishing you only the best.

The importance of taking little breaks from Social Media

I know the title of this seems silly considering that I probably lead you to this post by the very social media I am describing, but hear me out.  While social media is fantastic, and allows people to communicate in ways like never before, it also had led to higher levels of depression in some as well as anxiety.  even worse, there is an ever decreasing amount of real interactions as these are replaced by social media.

There is a large world out there waiting to be explored.  There are friends of yours who would much rather see you in person than get a text from you.  There are further benefits from not depending on social media as well.

Think about this.  Imagine you are having a terrible day.  You spend this terrible day sitting on Facebook or Twitter watching a news feed.  Instead of cheering you up, this is likely to make you feel much worse about yourself as a majority of people post only the best aspects of their life on social media.  Obviously this means that while you are angry and upset, it appears as far as your mind is concerned at that moment that everyone else in the world is having the greatest time ever.  I certainly feel bitter when observe this, and I know I am not alone.

Basically, if you walk away from anything after reading this rant, make sure to go outside, see the world.  Talk to a friend in person.  Human beings were not meant to be trapped in their rooms all day.  This will leads to increased happiness in all likelihood.  Sometimes all it takes is to not bang your head on the wall anymore.  Do something different.