Why I turned my Back on God

Anyone who knows me well understands that I am apologetically Jewish, even the name of this entire blog should tell a stranger this truth.  However, the more and more I understand the Torah, and other related texts, the less I trust the one who created it, and by proxy, created me.

Perhaps it is through my love of Cosmic Horror and other related media that I began to think long and hard about where I stand on my religious faith.  But there are many aspects that helped me come to the conclusions I now have.  More importantly, these aspects are what helped me find the group of words that really describe my belief system.

Three words are important to my viewpoints on faith.  Those words are: Misotheism, Dystheism, and Maltheism.

Misotheism is the hatred of God.  It was more common in the Greek, Roman, Egyptian, and especially Norse cultures where many individuals saw the Gods of their pantheons are childish and not worthy of worship.

Dystheism is the belief that God or Gods are not good.  Whether this means indifferent or outright against humanity is up for the interpretation of each individual.  While this belief system was also common with the groups outlined above, more recently, many Agnostic, Deist, and most notably Jewish individuals have started looking at this ideology for answers.  

Maltheism is the belief that God or Gods are wicked and dangerous.  That the ultimate enemy of mankind is our creator(s).  This ideology of the three makes the most sense to me, especially given the famous philosophical "Problem of Evil" which goes as follows:

1. If an omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent God exists, then evil does not
2. There is evil in the world
3. Therefore, and omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent God does not exist

Tragedies such as the Holocaust have taken well to do people of faith and transformed them into cynics who wonder why God would allow such travesties to occur.  The most common answers tend to be one of the following from a person of faith:

1. It is all part of Gods plan
2. The people who died were needed with him more

I no longer accept either these answers and anything more but extreme denial to the highest degree. 



Cosmic Horror is defined as being a realm where the God or Gods are so alien to human ideas that trying to quantify them is not only pointless but capable of inducing insanity.  Looking at stories within biblical texts, every person who was (un) fortunate to come into contact with God was either blinded, burned alive, or had their mind distorted in some horrific way.  The angels too according to these same texts look like something out of an H. P. Lovecraft book.  With heads coming out of their eyes these creatures assault our thoughts as multi winged menaces that take on the appearances of the beings of our darkest nightmares.  Both of these descriptions would be right at home within the Cosmic Horror Genre.  But the final aspect of this type of literature is the overwhelming hopelessness of the situation.  I am getting to that soon enough.

One major story that really helped me quantify my religious beliefs was the Anime Berserk.  The God of this universe is the spiritual manifestation of evil itself.  Its servants known as the Angelic Godhand, are five incredibly powerful, reality warping Arch Demons who control causality to ensure that Humanity evolves down the paths that they desire.

I applied this same idea to the Abrahamic God. Assuming that this God is near omnimalevolent if not fully, every single advancement of Humanity, every scientific discovery was and is nothing more than a trick to keep us under its control.  Keeping in mind all of what I have stated, lets look at a timeline that really showcases the manipulations of this being.

Going back to the Greeks, it must be noted that the concept of Misotheism was becoming more and more popular.  Perhaps humanity was finally realizing that they were being manipulated.  The Abrahamic God came to the rescue there.  I am moving forward with the assumption that indeed, the Abrahamic God is not truly a God at all, but an incredibly powerful Demon. Perhaps this being is strong enough to bring the entire universe into being, perhaps not. Regardless, it made a pact with the Hebrews and thus enslaved them to its will.  But they were few in number and could not serve the purpose that this Demon wished.  Why to spread misery and despair of course.

This was easy to accomplish by using the human ego that this being had given us in the first place.  Ya know, causality and all.  By telling the Jews that they (we since I am one) are the chosen people, it made it easy to manipulate these individuals into killing and enslaving their neighbors in the name of God.  Under the guise of destroying idolatry, God tricked the Jewish people into being enslaved by the Egyptians with the express purpose of spreading despair through that kingdom via the 10 plagues of Egypt.  Afterwards, the Israelis retook Canaan which is now called Israel, Jordan, Lebanon, and Syria.  The amount of despair was a source of nourishment for the Demon God controlling this group.

But the Jews started to slow down and were not causing enough despair.  A new religion was needed to accomplish what they Jews could not.  So a man named Jesus was selected as a sacrificial lamb.  With the Demon God coming into his dreams until he was driven insane the not so divine above tricked the Romans into killing him.  A new religion was rallied around this man with blood lust in the hearts of the believers.  Christianity was born, and for many years, fulfilled the quota of despair.

But Christianity was not spreading fast enough, and the Jews had not been wiped out.  Realizing that a third religion  fighting in a three way war with the others as well as the rest of the world would serve as the perfect catalyst for energy.  Thus Mohamed, the prophet, driven mad by God the very same way Jesus was, created a third religion.  Islam.  At this stage, God then told all three faiths that they were the chosen ones, and so a war of control which exists to this very day began.  Despair filled the world, and our souls and the negative energy they give became an all you can eat buffet. 

Unfortunately, secularism started to make all three religions far more moderate.  The killings started to stop, and hope began appearing in the world.  God does not want this.  He wants us as nothing more than food.  But he also knows that driving us to suicide removes a source of food.  An investment of sorts.  So tragedy after tragedy, the most recent ones being Terrorism and the renewed rise of far right Fasicm have once again given God the food he so needs.

As God is the enemy of mankind, I have turned my back on him, and if not for the fact that we are living in a Cosmic Horror Story, I would hope that one day he would be vanquished and Humanity free of God forever.  But this being is unfathomably powerful and cunning.  He has powerful Cults in the forms of the Charedim, The Evangelicals (notably Quiverfulls) and Islamists to ensure that peace will never exist on earth.

Beware what prayers you offer to God above as your connection with it has a chance of leaving you mind raped and disoriented.  Prayer feels good for the same reason having  an addiction to a powerful drug does.  If it did not, we would avoid it.  The Demon controlling our entire existence will not allow it.  The only chance our species has at escape is to against our very programming.  Lest we doom ourselves to even worse fates in the future.

Lesser Evil: Spoiler Free Review

Before I begin my review of this novel, I must note a couple things of importance.  First, P. F. Davids, the author of this series is a close friend and friendly rival in the world of writing.  Second, in case the first point did not make it obvious, I potentially carry some bias in my review here due to the already mentioned points.  As a fellow writer of science fiction and fantasy, it is my hope that despite these inherent biases that this review is still helpful.  Anyway, back to the review:

Lesser Evil is the first novel in the Lesser Evil Trilogy and focuses on a fantastic world ravaged by war.  The opening segments draw a reader in quickly thanks to a form of writing that I like to see employed. A mission that not only does not go as planned, but ends in tragedy.  The witty dialogue in the first couple pages properly sets the tone for the rest of the novel.

The central theme of this novel is that there is a hierarchy of ethics that can and will be broken based on the level of need, hence the name of the series.  To that end, in a  beautiful averted trope that is normal in fantasy, the church within this universe is the closest thing to a protagonist so far.  Meanwhile the villain, Serpentine is an Evil Overlord who will not suffer any Gods besides himself to exist.

I must take a moment to talk about Serpentine as I got a specific type of vibe from him.  A video game that I grew up playing called Fire Emblem Path of Radiance has a similar character to this antagonist in the form of Mad King Ashnard.  This is hardly a bad thing since Ashnard is one of my personal favorite evil emperors in fiction.  The fact that Serpentine reminds me of this well constructed villain is a compliment to Davids.  I am eager to see if later books in the series will paint Serpentine as a Social Darwinist or if the story will take this evil overlord a totally different direction.

As for the protagonists, which in my opinion is (are) the strongest aspect (s) of this novel, we have two.  The Lawful Good aligned Kester is the main protagonist.  A member of the Church, this man has always lived in his brother's shadow.  Through Lesser Evil, Kester constantly reflects on how his brother would have acted contrary to his own decisions.  A tough burden to bare as the man he constantly tries to measure up to is one of the most legendary warriors in the story.

The second of the two is my favorite character in the story.  Reis is Neutral Evil, meaning a selfish and pragmatic man who would rather just be left alone for the sake of scientific research.  However, Serpentine wants the man dead or captured and the Church decides to make use of his services to defeat the Empire.  The central point of conflict within the series does not come from Serpentine.  No, the major conflict here is whether Kester and Reis can get along long enough to finish their job.

With every good story come at least a couple of problems.  This review is my attempt to be as unbiased as possible while still reminding any who read this that the author and I are in a friendly rivalry.  To that end, I find two things that I think can be improved upon within the next book.  First, sometimes the pacing can go from a good flow to a slow crawl.  The most notable example involves a very deadly forest where I feel the story goes a little too slow.  My second point of contention is that I feel there needs to be a map of some sort to serve as a guide for the geography of this series.  Many locations are referenced in the story, but I was confused about the general shape and flow of the land that Lesser Evil takes place in.  Perhaps I am being nit picky, but I prefer to write honest reviews to the best of my ability.

With that out of the way, lets focus on the good.  As already mentioned, Serpentine is a fantastic antagonist.  Another strong point is the slow trickle that the magic that makes the world so fantastic is introduced.  I am most excited of all to see where Davids takes this idea as the next book begins.  Another strong point is that Lesser Evil does a better job than many other novels I have read  in showcasing and properly using real life military tactics.  Research into these methods helps create a world that is more fleshed out and seems more fantastically realistic if that makes sense.  The strongest point in my opinion is the new way of exploring old themes that are common in fantasy.  Notable examples include an assassin that uses unconventional methods of killing, the importance of alchemy, a massive deconstruction on the black knight archetype, and most importantly, dealing with some very vital real world issues.  I cannot say which ones without spoiling a few surprises.

All in all, I feel that this was a great debut novel for P. F. Davids and a look forward to reading the next book in the series.  I am eager to see how the rest of this series is developed, with the characters that I like most, notably Reis, hopefully leading the way.

Love is Easy, Hate Takes Courage

Love love, love
That's what they tell me when I am hurt
By spreading light, I am light
That releasing positive energy leads to happiness
By not destroying  the real me

Forgive, forgive, forgive
That's what they tell me when I am wronged
By being the bigger man, I am a bigger person
That letting things go leads to happiness
By not letting my past haunt me

Forget, forget, forget
That's what they tell me when I refuse
By letting my grudges go, I let pain go
That holding no negativity leads to happiness
By not letting my enemies control me

Ignore, ignore, ignore
That's what they tell me when I feel attacked
by not responding, I am responding
That not acting out leads to happiness
By not reacting to darker me

React, react, react
That's what I tell me when I feel attacked
By responding, I am responding
That by acting out leads to happiness
By reacting to darker me

Grudge, grudge, grudge
That's what I tell me when I refuse
By holding my grudges, I let pain go
That holding negativity leads to happiness
By letting me control my enemies

Was, Was, Was
That's what I tell me when I am wronged
By being the honest with myself, I am a bigger person
That not letting things go leads to happiness
By letting my past haunt me.

Hate, hate, hate
That's what I tell me when I am hurt
By spreading Darkness, I am light
That releasing negative energy leads to happiness
By not destroying  the real me

Which is truly easy?
What is really difficult?
Is love which is supported by everyone the world over
Or hatred condemned by the human race

Is it easier to go against all recommendation
Or to embrace the reality of your life.
What if denial is easy?
But acceptance is difficult?

To this end I continue on
My mad quest to live life
On my terms and mine alone
No matter how hard the path is

Elfen Lied: Spoiler Free Review

Going back into the darkest depths of Anime, I return to review one of my favorites.

Elfen Lied has one of my favorite introductions of any Anime.  With an opening that oozes with symbolism while biblical passages are sung in Latin creates a truly amazing and surreal atmosphere.  Then the anime begins.

Elfen Lied pulls no punches.  Within the first five minutes of the first episode, there is already a very large body count.  Courtesy of one of the main characters going on a rampage. Alongside Yuno Gesai in Future Diary, Lucy from this anime is one of the more notable Yanderes that I am aware of meaning that in general there is a lot of unstoppable rage and violence.

It is an understatement to say that Elfen Lied would be better called "Everyone Needs a Hug" as this psychological thriller reveals itself. While my greatest criticism of the Anime is that it stops halfway through, forcing one to read the Manga to get the full story,  for what is provided it is among the best.

An emotional roller coaster ride is Elfen Lied and its nonstop from beginning to end as this story explores what it means to be human and showcases the values of friendship, betrayal, hatred, and despair in equal measure.

Also there is a beach.  Attacking girls with unusual hair colors on said beach is ill advised.

I highly recommend this Anime, and recommend even more to read the Manga it is based off of.

Space Dandy: A Spoiler Free Review

Space Dandy Review is a Review Dandy in Space.  Taking a slight break from the media I typically consume, I stumbled upon a much more lighthearted Anime.  This one comes off as a parody of Cowboy Beebop which rarely takes itself seriously.  It is notable that at the time of writing this blog post, one of my roommates considers Space Dandy to be himself in Anime Form.

What happens in this Anime is really too bizarre to truly write down in review form without spoiling things, but one of the best parts of Space Dandy is watching the Anime all the way through and then watching the show a second time once you understand everything.  There is a reason I pointed out that it only "mostly" does not take itself seriously.

Space Dandy's protagonist is the character by the same name and the story follows the many adventures he partakes to find and document rare aliens that have yet to be found out in space.  Since Space is an Ocean is in full effect here, the party is hunted by an Imperialistic organization known as the Gogol Empire that have some nefarious purpose in mind. Space Dandy does not know that they have an interest in him.

Supported by his crew mates Q.T. and Meow (who is really just a leeching stowaway), the three go on adventures while taking breaks at the restaurant "Boobies" better known as "Space Hooters". Laughs are plenty and the action is better than I had originally expected.  Keep watching as you enjoy the comedy as there are some really powerful symbols played around with in the story.

All in all, Space Dandy was just the Anime I needed to recover from the procession of Dark Anime I had consumed leading up until it.  However, the break ended and so the next couple reviews will be of the sort of Anime you would expect of me.

Also, my review of P.F. Davids' Lesser Evil will be coming soon.  Stay tuned for that.

Future Diary: Spoiler Free Review

I have fallen very very very far behind on these reviews to the point where its gonna take some rapid fire skills to catch up.  I watched Future Diary months ago and needed to properly review the story for the sake of this review.

With that in mind, lets delve into the Anime that is made most famous by the Queen of Yanderes: Yuno Gasai.

Future Diary is a Battle Royale Style anime where 12 individuals have been chosen to fight it out.  The winner gets to be God. But as mentioned above, its a certain girl with pink hair that really makes Future Diary stand out.

First off, I should define what a Yandere is.  This is a character type that is commonly associated with women in stories but not limited to that gender.  These types of characters are most well known for their psychotic obsession with their love interest.  Saying that they will let nothing, and I mean nothing get between them and their love interest is an understatement.  Another person speaks to their beloved?  Nothing a knife to the gut will not solve. Their love interest is in danger?  Time to break out the axe.  Their foolish love can't take care of themselves?  Better drug them and hold them hostage.

With that in mind, while Yuki Amano is the true main character of the story, Yuno is the one that is meant to be watched.  Her psychotic rampages and her very large body count are the reason I enjoyed this anime so much.  Add onto the fact that despite everything pointed out until now, and she is still one of the most sympathetic characters.

Speaking of other characters, lets talk about Minene, also known as Ninth in the anime.  If one mentioned Future Diary and are not talking about Yuno, its very likely this is the next most likely character to be brought up.  Without getting into spoilers, despite being a mad bomber terrorist who kills children in a school in her first appearance, Minene is one of the most sympathetic characters in the entire Anime.  Take from that what you will.

All in all, as Future Diary is among my favorite Anime at the time of this blog post, I would highly recommend it to an onlooker. With plot twists that constantly outdo themselves, ideas about the meaning of existence that kept me up at night, and an unforgettable cast this Anime never fails to deliver from beginning to end.  Equal parts romance, battle royale, and political intrigue.  There is something for everyone when experiencing Future Diary.

Dark Rebirth

What is it that drives a person to evil
That forbidden fruit we are warned to avoid
but still grasp all to readily

What is it that drives a person to inflict pain
That ultimate sensual experience
that presses negative energy onto another

What is it that drives a soul to turn dark
That perversion of light
that blackens the very essence of hope

A desire springs from a seed
trying  desperately to grow
reaching towards the sun.

but finds its way blocked.
trapped in the shadow of a tree
light refuses to nurture life

feeding on itself
the shadows grow
gnawing, begging for more

The plant lusts for energy
Surly its need can be sated
if only it could have a little more

The plant becomes a glutton
feeding on its surroundings
growing ever bloated

The plant grows envious of the tree
the dead ground nearby exhausted
it siphons food from its rival.

The plant is greedy
Feeding on the soil of the tree too long
Its rival begins to wither.

The plant becomes slothful
Gorged on food it needs rest
leaving its neighbor to die

The plant gains wrath
The rotting tree drops a dying branch from above
the demise follows soon after

The plant is filled with pride
It has won out over its neighbor
And sunlight belongs to it.

Many years grow by
the desire plant is now a tree
surrounded by grey dead soil

Twisting deep beneath the ground
searching for more food
and finds it through destruction

Desire is always hungry for more
it is never sated
dreams are a poor excuse for fuel

The fruit drives a person to evil
We choose to accept it
because if we do not, another will

A sensual experience drives a person to inflict pain
We choose to accept it
because if we do not, another will

We pervert our own souls
Hope is only a minor setback
because if we do not, another will

When one is born into this world
They choose between eating or being eaten
Inflicting harm, or being harmed

Do we desire to live so much
That others must die
so that we may thrive

Are we born into evil
or do we choose to accept it
as a result of advanced instinct