Using Darkness to Change the World

Writing and I have had a fairly symbiotic relationship since I was very young.  I am one of those weird children who enjoyed writing far more than reading at first.  I discovered as I grew older that the reason behind this was as a result of me being both bored and disillusioned by what I was forced to read in school.

The first major hallmark that marked the start of a permanent and vital shift in my writing career was a gift given by my grandmother.  And on that day, she gave me a piece of advice that I have never forgotten: “Ross, it’s not that you hate reading.  But that you are reading the wrong stuff.” I was thus handed the Hobbit.  My love for fantasy had begun.

My grandma once again exceeded my expectations and not only got me dead set on the Hobbit, but Harry Potter as well, ensuring that I was one of the children that JK Rowling intended to grow up with the books.  I was an oddity in that I read the Lord of the Rings books between the different Harry Potter novels. My next turning point was with Fellowship of the Ring.

The Hobbit was a novel I had enjoyed greatly.  But one part of the story was considerably more liked, especially in regards to my imagination than the rest. The dark forest of Mirkwood, which was home to giant spiders, toxic water, and a darkness that was magical in nature had me spellbound.  It was a locale unlike anything I had ever seen, and to this day is still a favored setting in my writing.  Most important about Mirkwood though, was the Necromancer that had made it that way.

When I read the word Necromancer for the first time, I immediately looked up the meaning. Spellcasters who summon Undead as their servants.  A concept that is to this day a favorite of mine. The other meaning of Necromancer refers to an incredibly evil wizard.  This second definition became more important as I read Lord of the Rings.  For anyone who knows the story, realizes I had discovered Sauron himself and became fixated on him. But the start of Lord of the Rings is when the writing I began soon after began to take root.

Near the beginning of Fellowship, an encounter with a horrific monster, specifically Khamul, second in command of the Nazgul, better known as the Ringwraiths caught my attention.  This was a warning that would usher in my age of Dark Fantasy.  The concept, known as Cerubus Syndrome, is when an incredibly dangerous character appears in a story to warn the reader that terrible things are about to happen. And Khamul was the Knight of Cerubus, bringing in darkness as only a being like him can, on his zombie horse.

I happened to read the third Harry Potter book soon after I finished Fellowship of the Ring, and the Dementors coincidently first appeared in this novel.  Like the Ringwraiths, I immediately fell in love with these creatures of darkness, and misery. I even caught that Dementors drew inspiration from the Nazgul.

Unfortunately, I finished both serieses, and was left wanting. Lord of the Rings was written by a pacifist, so while the movies made the fight scenes absolutely amazing, the books did quite the opposite.  Harry Potter suffered from a different problem.  The magic was too basic.  After getting into Dungeons and Dragons and seeing what fantastic magic was capable of, Harry Potter just felt… empty.  Minus the Imperius Curse and Fiend Fire, I felt like the magic in that universe was, for lack of a better term, weak.

It was at this time, that three very important events occurred in very close time frames.  September 11th, 2001 happened, and my cynicism that is prevalent in my personality began to take root. Second, my other grandmother bought me a video game called Tales of Symphonia that forever changed my life. After the lies I discovered about America thanks to watching our country get attacked by terrorism, my imagination was ripe to plunder by the video game.  With themes not limited to, fantastic racism, corrupt churches, evil angels, justified villains, and incredibly psychologically scarred heroes, it was just the story I needed.  The final piece was the novel Eragon. While the story does get criticized a lot, two major aspects of this series were what I needed, to finally break free of the shackles holding me back, and start writing my own stories. Not only was the author very young, but the magic in that universe was exactly what I had been looking for.  Magic with a deadly price to pay if used incorrectly, and capable of doing incredible feats such as altering memories, stealing souls, and wiping out cities faster than military carpet bombing, I finally had the foundation to write the story I always wanted as a child.

The story that would eventually become The Search For Eden Series began as I entered high school and just like with Harry Potter, the story got more grim as I got older. What began as a lighthearted adventure, turned into a deconstruction that has incorporated Demons, Undead, Eldritch Abominations, and the evil that lurks in the hearts of men.

High school also marked another video game entering my imagination, completing the cycle of darkness that had begun with Lord of the Rings.  Final Fantasy 6, is a game that deals with the psychological torment and recovery of an entire planet.  In a plot that is very terrifying considering the modern world, a killer clown becomes the general of the most powerful army in the world. The fascist empire that he commands the troops of seeks world domination, but in the end, the clown wins out even over them.  He kills the emperor and becomes G-d due to a magical artifact that conveniently (or inconveniently) chose to appear at that moment. As a result, Kefka, who already was deranged, even for a clown, destroyed the entire world. That's the halfway point of the game by the way.  For the next year in the game, Kefka recreates the world as a monument to death, destruction, and nihilism.  By the time he is finally stopped, the killer clown G-d has committed complete genocide against every single magical being in universe and driven 90 percent of the human race to suicide.

To say that Final Fantasy 6 is my favorite video game is an understatement.  Finally, I had found a medium in fiction that told a story as dark as the one I had begun to write of my own free will.  And considering that this game is hailed as among the best video games ever made, I was renewed in hope that my story ideas were not only good, but potentially award winning with enough work.

College came and I had continued to write stories, while realizing that the timeline needed to be shifted farther and farther back within the universe I was weaving.  Finally, I settled upon a starting point.  At the same time, I became the target of a brutal cyber bully campaign in real life.  After a year and a half of being psychologically tortured to a degree that the average character in the stories I had been obsessing over a good portion of my life could match, I finally had the emotional input to really bring my story, the most important story of my life, into reality.  

With the voice I had sought, though not from the source it was given, the novel named “The End of Utopia” was born.  Within the last year I finished this book, and the anthology that allows a reader to peer into the depths I created was spawned soon after. The second of these two books is published, and this marked a major hallmark and achievement for me.  After a life so scarred by betrayal, it was a nice change of pace to have some positivity in my life.

Looking forward, I have at least another year of college to go, and have been exploring another outlet for my writing.  Especially with the political upheaval I found that my skills were needed in another area,  and thus dove into the dark cesspool of political theatre.  I have already written much in both fiction and reportive to the end of speaking on politics, but now my voice has much more importance.  And after everything I have suffered through, I can handle the backlash and criticism that I was most certainly be receiving for voicing my opinion.This is where the readings from Writing, Literacy, and Technology come into play.  My ideas have been along railroad tracks, but this class is a station of sorts.  A chance for me to gain new information that can be reflected in my dark fantasy writing, which also comes into play in my political posts.  For one realizes that to truly appreciate dark fantasy as a genre, they must be willing to deal with the stark and very dangerous realities of the world.

Poem of Pillars

When one gains power in the world, they can dictate the social norms of society.

To gain that power requires the leadership of something that is seen as more than just a simple human.

To gain that leadership requires the purpose of an individual who is above and beyond the norm.

One does not simply become what I aspire to.

Instead, their entire life must go through fire and water.

And only when it survives with each and every scar gained on the path can one know true greatness.

But beware the darkness of failure, of sleep, of apathy.

The seductive beckon of an easy path leads to a difficult fall.

Of which it becomes increasingly harder to rise up from.

Until all that remains is an altar of abandoned dreams.

An Honest Review of Myself

Thanks to a really intriguing class prompt, I got to do some self reflection.

My top ten list would be:

Power

Leadership

Purpose

Influence

Freedom

Security

Courage

Wealth

Truth

Introspection

To the surprise of no one, I am an ENTJ: The commander.  I have taken the Meyers Briggs Test 200 times now and gotten this result 199 times.  I can feel assured that this truly is my personality type. (the one time I was not ENTJ, I got ENTP) Anyway, the ENTJ wants power because of a need to be a leader in society.  I have never been satisfied with a desk job, or to be an underling.  This is a trait common with my personality type.  The double edged sword of ENTJ is that we can come off incredibly cold due to our ruthlessness.  I am certainly one who will pursue my goals at any cost. I am willing to shove people out of the way, both figuratively and literally, who get in my way.  This can also cause a problem with relationship building.  Other people can see this ruthlessness as a sense of not caring.  A person who does not contribute to my life tends to be discarded.  I do not do this out of malice, but simply because I have major ambitions and cannot afford to be slowed down.  Instead I surround myself with people who can help me reach my goal.

My upbringing, for good or ill has helped me develop a large set of skills that have been very beneficial.  A combination of pride and drive ensure that when I set my mind on a goal, it gets accomplished.  I will move heaven and hell itself if it gets in my way (and have done so on a few occasions) This also means that I can move past intense pain, both physical and mental.  i don't let the screams emanating from my body get in my way when I have a task to complete.  It how I have completed things such as Tough Mudder and Master of All Terrain. And because I refuse to give up, I do not slam my head against a wall in insanity, but instead, use the fact that I am really crazy to find a new path.  If I get trapped in a maze, I'll break out the figurative flamethrower and create my own path to the goal.  

Unfortunately taking myself this seriously can have some drawbacks.  I do not take failure lightly and beat myself up over the simplest of things.  My own personal negative reinforcement to ensure I do not screw up again.  This has been taken to some extreme levels that I am not proud of.  There are times in my life where I willingly let my pay at work get docked because I knew I had screwed up.  There are also times in my life where I willingly starved myself as punishment for not making enough money.  I willingly made myself homeless for a month as punishment for not finding a place to live faster.  And in all these cases, I resigned myself to this fate to ensure that I would not fail again.  This may appear to be in conflict with the above of never giving up.  But this is not giving up, so much as reminding myself what the price of failure is.  And as power above all else to protect myself is my goal, I can afford nothing less than absolute success.

Re blogged Post from a class

Below is what I wrote in response to a prompt in a Civics Class about an issue I care about greatly. And on this Martin Luther King Day, I decided to share it with the rest of you.

Although I already participate in the conversation about the Israeli Palestinian Conflict, I have a voice that is rarely heard in this discussion.  And since the talking points that I bring to the table are not only unusual but break an entire host of convections that are assumed about this issue I think my voice needs to be heard.  Although the news loves to focus on this little region in the Middle East (despite places like Syria being much more trouble ridden places, but that's a different topic) its quite difficult to find anything that actually speaks objectively on the problems that plague the region.  

Most troublesome is the fact that Israel, Gaza, and Judea Samaria also known as the West Bank are all governed by different social rules that makes it near impossible for this to occur.  Israel has similar rules of media to the United States which is why it tends to get criticized the most of the three areas. This could be argued as a downside of Democratically Elected Government.  

Not far behind in being criticized, but usually by the opposing viewpoint  is Gaza.  Gaza is ruled with an iron fist by Hamas which has been labeled a terrorist group by much of the international community.  The confusion lies in some groups believing that since Hamas was elected by the people that their actions are either justified or not so justified depending on who you ask, but others will say their actions are not justified regardless of how the group came into power.  More problematic is the fact that rockets are fired into Israel from Gaza at a frequent enough rate that Israelis treat these attacks the way we do a hurricane or tornado in the United States.   But that's not really what the point of contention of the attacks is.  The debates become whether the rockets actually pose a threat, versus being defined as a crime against humanity for each one fired according to international law.  As you can see, this debate has such vast gaps in points of view.

But still I have not talked about Judea Samaria also known as the West Bank, where even the name you choose to call this region is a form of bias.  This is the part of the region which seems to be the most black and white and I cannot even discuss what I know of this part of the world without bringing personal bias into the post.  What I will say is that the region is split into three types of areas.  Ones where Israel controls everything, zones where both Palestinians and Israelis control things together, and places where Palestinians have complete control of the region.  Due to the different types of laws in each of those zones, it is not unusual for the words Apartheid to be brought up in regards to this region, nor the discussion of settlements built by Israelis in places where they do or do not have the right to build them.  This is by far the most complex part of the conflict, most notably because Jerusalem the capital of Israel (oh by the way, calling it so is a bias, but one that I am willing to make) is partially within the region. (How much of it is or is not is also a point of contention)  

Fun fact before I continue.  Me choosing to acknowledge the country as Israel, rather than call it Palestine is considered a form of bias. Which leads me to believe that this entire conflict was structured to intentionally be biased.  More on that in a bit.

I was introduced to this issue growing up in a Jewish household, but surprisingly I was not immediately biased towards the Israeli side of the conversation due to the people who had already chosen sides in the discussion.  This led to some confusion growing up that continues forward to this day.

This confusion is led by the groups who have the loudest opinions on the Israeli Palestinian Conflict.  The first of the two confusing groups is the group most supportive of Israel: The extreme Religious Right.  A group that has a history of making Jews go shape of Pear as a hobby in just about any time period in the last 2000 years or so.  And the group most supportive of the Palestinians? The extreme Left, a group that I had always believed had the back of the Jewish People with the whole support of minorities thing and what not.  This was confusing to me until recently when I dug into why these people support what they do.  And sadly, the answers I am finding are so convoluted that I will not be giving them here out of fears of the responses to this post will descend into discussions on conspiracy theories.

What I will say, is that neither of these groups cares at all about the Israelis or the Palestinians. Each one has an agenda that sounds like something out of fantasy, and even with elements of Cosmic Horror Story for added fun. 

I want to say that this speaks to my personal truth out of a desire to better the world, but I would be lying.  The reason I care about this issue is far more primal and base.  Its out of a need for self preservation.  I care about Israel because I know that if I ever become in danger because I am Jewish, there is a safe haven for me.  And if that safe haven is ever destroyed, then I am once again in danger.  And despite people telling me that the Holocaust is a horrific event that will never happen again, the Jews of the 1930s were told similar stories in reference to other past events.  The reality is, that Jews are always in danger.  somewhere in the world there will always be those who want to do us harm because of what we believe.  That goes double for me, being that I am on the Autism Spectrum as well.  Its not as relevant for the Israeli Palestinian conflict, but due to an entire host of genetic and cultural things I have been born with and raised on, I have a figurative target painted on my back, and will do whatever I need to to ensure my own continued existence.  The fact that there are people who are supposed to be my allies who now seem to be making me an enemy is even more concerning than the sentences above.  A concern that is not helped by how I feel about our president elect, especially his Vice President and the next in line Vice President should Donald Trump get impeached or something along those grounds. (but once again, that is another issue entirely)

Unpopular Opinion: BDS needs to go... For the Sake of Liberalism

The first half of the title is barely unpopular, its the second half that stirs controversy.

For those of you who do not know, BDS stands for Boycott, Divest, Sanction.  They are a movement that exists to boycott goods that benefit Israel at the Palestinian expense.  Recently I was able to be at a meeting where what the organization is was discussed without the lens of media managing to muddle the scope.  And I learned some things about the organization.

For one, Liberalism really is better off without such a group, especially when it becomes apparent that a political ideology that historically has been on the side of those being oppressed, is so far beyond on the wrong side of the fence.  I have never understood why a movement exists that would target people like itself, but BDS does just that.  There are few countries not just in the middle east, but quite frankly, in the entire world that are as liberal as Israel.  Comes with the role of Judaism which is in itself a very liberal religion.  Especially on grounds of tolerance.  This very tolerance is what is currently biting Israel in the back, with parasites such as BDS at the forefront.

But if you are not convinced yet, lets look at the people who BDS is protecting.  I don't know about you, but Liberalism as I have learned, is not about celebrating the death of innocent people.  I don't even care if one thinks that the Palestinians are oppressed or not, the death of innocent people changes nothing for them.  It is nothing more than an act of terror.

But if you are still reading, and not convinced by this point, I'll make use of another medium to show the real problem with BDS: Video Games.  A very specific video game in this case, which has been criticized as pandering to Liberals.  I speak of the game series Mass Effect.

In Mass Effect, there is a Human Rights advocacy group known as Cerberus.  Their function and motives in game are too complex to explain in the scope of a blog post, but I will spend some time talking about how they operate, and how similar BDS is to them.

First off, Cerberus operates in smaller cells who do not communicate much with each other. All cells have a supervisor that dictates what the direct mission of the group will be.  If things become problematic, since the other groups within Cerberus do not work outside their own cell, they can feign ignorance should something happen to another group.  BDS operates the exact same, with each group independent of the others.  And should one cell screw up, the others can make the claim that the rogue group is not associated with the larger whole.

Second, Cerberus emphasizes Humans First in every category.  To that end, they are willing to blackmail, steal, and even murder, to maintain their objectives.  Horrific experiments that usually harm the very humans they seek to promote is of little consequence to Cerberus.  They even see other humans that are against them as enemies that must be destroyed, despite being the very people they claim to be helping.  BDS is the same.  They emphasize Palestinians first even when it causes direct harm to these people.  In fact just like Cerberus, when Palestinians are harmed by BDS, they are reminded that the greater good is more important than the individual.

Third, Cerberus is hypocritical.  They say they are for the advancement of Humanity while making use of other species who did all the work before claiming it as their own.  They even get much of their funding from groups that Cerberus should be at odds with, such as non human supremacy groups, and dangerous aliens such as the Collectors who spend a lot of time kidnapping humans and harvesting their bodies for experiments. In a similar vein, BDS boycotts some groups that help the Palestinians, while receiving money from groups that should be their enemies.

But last and most important of all, Cerberus is being manipulated by the Reapers, incredibly dangerous machines that kill all life in the galaxy every fifty thousand years.  They make use of Cerberus by ensuring that factions that should be allies are constantly at war with each other.  This is to ensure that eventually, when the time comes to strike, both factions are weak enough to be crushed. The leaders of Cerberus are charismatic, intelligent, and incredibly brainwashed.  So deeply indoctrinated that they do not even realize the harm they are causing.  While BDS is by no means initiating a cosmic horror story into the world, they still are being manipulated by groups that no rational thinking person should.  And just like with Cerberus, their leaders are charismatic, intelligent, and incredibly brainwashed.

If none of these things prove that Liberalism needs to remove BDS like the deadly parasite it is, I do not know what will.  No group that exists as a distraction for the sake of killing innocent people can be permitted to spread misinformation and even more trouble.

Steins Gate: A Spoiler Free Review

Whoa boy, or should I say Too-Too-Roo?  I'm gonna keep this spoiler free like all my anime reviews, but this specific one is like Fight Club.  I probably should not talk about it at all.  Add to the fact that this is an anime of Mind Fuckery Level that manages to divide by zero and my job becomes that much more difficult.

But I'll do my best to overcome this obstacle anyway.

Steins Gate is a fantastic Anime that covers its bases superbly.  As a writer, glaring plot holes annoy me to no end, and while it is not perfect in this regard, any inconsistencies and head scratchers are either part of the appeal of the anime or little enough to not interfere with the overall narrative.

Speaking of narrative, this is where Steins Gate is strongest.  With a lovable cast that gets incredibly fleshed out over twenty-four episodes, the appeal lasts from beginning to end.  The characters are really what makes Steins Gate so incredible.  You care about these people and the anime does a great job of making them endearing from the very first episode.

Even if the beginning seems to be really confusing, this is an Anime that is certainly worth watching, probably multiple times so that it is properly understood.  There is a lot to appreciate with Steins Gate, and for those who like to think about what they watch, this should be on the list of must watch.

But finally, for all those who want to see The Mad Scientist as the hero, look no further than Steins Gate.

Too Too Roo!

Unpopular Opinion: Florida is not as Fucked up as it Seems

It is hard to go more than a day without seeing Florida in the news in some form.  Scandals with our government one day, some freak accident involving an animal the next, you would think that Florida would have a fence with barbed wire all around it.  But speaking as a resident of the states, there is no wall, and even President Elect Trump will not be building one here.

So why does Florida seem to be such a messed up place, even if its not any worse than elsewhere in the United States (I almost put world there for a second) I think its actually simple, and the solution is something I learned in my time living in the state.

Floridians have really big mouths and like to share their opinions.  There is a reason I feel right at home in this state.  In reality, other states are better at hiding the fuck ups that live in their areas.  Not only do Floridians fail at hiding these skeletons, but we love to announce other people's skeletons for everyone else to find.

Florida may have messed up politicians and teachers, but that's no different than anywhere else.  We just get more attention cause its wonderful weather here, especially during the winter and more importantly, cause Floridians love to talk-- about each other.  Also everyone else in the United States is jealous of our weather.